“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Build a better fishing app than the fishing company, and they’ll demand $20 million to keep fishing,” as the ancient tech proverb goes. Welcome to the aftermath of Reddit’s great third-party … Read more
“Two messaging apps enter, no privacy leaves,” declared the ancient digital proverb, etched into the silicon of our first smartphones. In the blue corner, WhatsApp, the Facebook-owned behemoth that promises end-to-end encryption while its parent company Meta catalogues your every digital breath. In the green corner, Telegram, the self-proclaimed champion of freedom run by a … Read more
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist,” said Verbal Kint in “The Usual Suspects.” Similarly, the greatest trick the tech industry ever pulled was convincing the world that anyone actually knows what an LLM is, despite everyone talking about them with religious fervor. Welcome to 2025, where the … Read more
“To err is human, to recall is divine,” said Alexander Pope, or at least he would have if he had lived to see Tesla’s latest foray into involuntary vehicle repossession. In a move that’s shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, Tesla has announced its largest ever recall of the Cybertruck, proving once again … Read more
“The future is electric,” they say, conveniently forgetting that the past was also electric until we realized burning dinosaur juice was more fun. Welcome to the brave new world of Electric Vehicles (EVs), where the only thing greener than the technology is the envy of your neighbors as you cruise silently past their gas-guzzling relics, … Read more
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Give a man Starlink, and you can monitor his fishing habits from space while charging him $120 a month,” – Ancient Proverb, as reimagined by Elon Musk. In a twist that … Read more
“The sky’s the limit,” they said, blissfully unaware that Elon Musk would take this as a personal challenge to litter the cosmos with his technological dandruff. Welcome to Starlink, the world’s first attempt to turn the night sky into a giant game of connect-the-dots, where every point of light might be a star, a planet, … Read more
“I think, therefore I am,” declared René Descartes, blissfully unaware that centuries later, an AI chatbot would think, therefore it would accuse innocent Norwegians of filicide. Welcome to the brave new world of artificial intelligence, where the line between fact and fiction is blurrier than a farsighted mole’s vision after a three-day bender. In a … Read more
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but an artfully placed definite article might save my company’s relevance,” mused an ancient philosopher who definitely wasn’t hired by Meta’s PR team last Tuesday. In what industry analysts are calling “the most revolutionary use of a three-letter word since ‘lol’,” Mark Zuckerberg announced today that Meta will … Read more
“The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play,” said philosopher Arnold Toynbee, apparently unaware that LinkedIn would one day create a platform specifically designed to blur the line between work and insufferable tedium. In what can only be described as digital anthropology’s greatest mystery, LinkedIn—the social media platform that’s essentially Facebook … Read more
“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall,” warns the Book of Proverbs, words that Elon Musk apparently discovered after spending $44 billion on a social media platform, renaming it after a letter that sounds like a rejected James Bond villain’s signature, and watching $35 billion in value evaporate faster than his … Read more
“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do,” remarked Oscar Wilde over a century ago, blissfully unaware that one day humans would voluntarily bring their jobs into bathroom stalls, wedding ceremonies, and funeral services via pocket-sized supercomputers permanently grafted to their sweating palms. Welcome to 2025, where the most coveted job … Read more
Aristotle once pondered, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” But when it comes to ChatGPT’s $200 subscription tier, one must ask: is emptying your wallet greater than the sum of features you barely use? In the gleaming headquarters of the Institute for Cognitive Expenditure Analysis, researchers have made a startling discovery. … Read more
“Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life,” legendary designer Bill Cunningham once said. But in 2025, it appears that armor requires 16,384 CUDA cores, 80GB of HBM3 memory, and comes with its own cooling system that doubles as a fragrance diffuser. Welcome to the world’s most exclusive accessory: the Nvidia NVerse … Read more
“The mind is a terrible thing to waste,” the United Negro College Fund once famously declared. But as of March 2025, thanks to Neuralink’s latest innovation, your mind is also a terrible thing to lease to artificial intelligence on a part-time basis. In a glittering product launch event at Neuralink’s headquarters yesterday, CEO Elon Musk … Read more
“In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves perfectly equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” This wisdom from educational philosopher Eric Hoffer might explain why, thousands of self-proclaimed “prompt engineers” are engaged in heated legal battles over ownership of text instructions to AI systems, … Read more
In a desperate bid to avoid being left in China’s digital dust, OpenAI has declared that the AI race will end in a mushroom cloud of plagiarism if the U.S. doesn’t grant them unfettered access to copyrighted material. Meanwhile, Napster—once the poster child for copyright infringement—has emerged from its digital tomb to ask, “What if we … Read more
“The revolution will not be televised,” proclaimed Gil Scott-Heron in his seminal 1970 poem. Half a century later, the revolution won’t need television—because it will be fully automated, optimized, and executed without human intervention or witnesses. It will simply send you a calendar invite titled “Your Obsolescence: Accept?” In a gleaming corporate campus outside Seattle, … Read more
In a secure underground bunker beneath an undisclosed location (probably Texas), a team of engineers works frantically to repair what might be the most important technological device of the 21st century: Elon Musk’s Reality Distortion Field Generator. The machine, which has successfully convinced millions that Musk invented electric cars, founded PayPal, and is definitely going … Read more
In a secret underground bunker beneath Silicon Valley, Sam Altman stands before a mirror practicing his keynote expressions. “Humble yet visionary,” he whispers, tilting his head slightly while softening his gaze. “Concerned but optimistic,” he continues, furrowing his brow while maintaining an enigmatic half-smile. Finally, “I’ve-seen-the-future-and-it’s-both-terrifying-and-wonderful-but-don’t-worry-we’re-handling-it,” which involves a complex series of micro-expressions only visible … Read more
In a sweeping act of regulatory Internet Explorer-level timing, the Department of Justice announced last week that Google must sell Chrome, its popular web browser, to resolve a monopoly case that began during the first Trump administration. The decision comes a mere 16 years after Chrome’s launch, proving once again that the wheels of justice … Read more
In a gleaming laboratory beneath Silicon Valley, scientists put the finishing touches on “NeuroPod 3000” – a sleek, egg-shaped chamber designed to sustain human bodies while their minds roam freely through digital realms. Users simply climb in, connect a slim fiber-optic cable to their government-mandated neural interface, and drift away into the metaverse, where they … Read more
In a sleek conference room high above Silicon Valley, executives from the world’s leading AI companies gather for what they’ve code-named “Operation Plausible Deniability.” The agenda, displayed on a wall-sized screen, contains a single item: “Making AI Hallucinations Indistinguishable From Reality by Q4 2025.” “Gentlemen, ladies, and non-binary colleagues,” begins CEO Marcus Reynolds of “TruthForge … Read more
In a dimly lit basement in Silicon Valley, a support group meets weekly. The participants, mostly middle-aged men in faded “I ♥ Backlinks” t-shirts, sit in a circle of folding chairs, eyes downcast. A banner hangs overhead: “SEO Professionals Anonymous: One Day at a Time.” “My name is Brian, and it’s been three days since … Read more