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in AIOpenAI Announces Revolutionary New Linkedin Killer Where Robots Interview Robots While Humans Watch Netflix!
The Ministry of Artificial Intelligence—formerly known as OpenAI—has announced its latest innovation in human optimization: a LinkedIn competitor that promises to revolutionize the hiring process by removing the most inefficient element from recruitment: actual humans making actual recruitment decisions. According to Fidji Simo, OpenAI’s newly minted CEO of Applications (a title that sounds suspiciously like […] More
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in Tech
The Last Browser War: Google’s Pyrrhic Victory in the Age of Conversational Computing
Recently, Google announced with considerable fanfare that it had successfully defended its right to maintain control of the Chrome browser against Department of Justice (DOJ) antitrust proceedings. The victory was hailed by tech journalists as a triumph of innovation over regulation, a vindication of Google’s stewardship of the internet’s primary gateway, and a blow against […] More
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in Internet
Down the .COM Rabbit Hole: A Mad Hatter’s Guide to Digital Real Estate in an AI Wonderland
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her, frantically typing on a laptop and muttering, “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late for the .ai domain auction! The […] More
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The Merchant of Cloud: How Amazon Accidentally Taught Silicon Valley to Print Money
What fools these mortals be! For in the year of our digital lord two thousand and thirteen, when the world still believed that “the cloud” was merely where rain came from, there emerged from the primordial soup of Seattle’s coffee-stained ambition a leviathan that would reshape the very foundations of technological commerce. Amazon Web Services, […] More
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in Tech
The Great SEO Famine: A Tale of Two Internets
It was the best of search engine algorithms, it was the worst of them. In the hallowed halls of Boston’s most prestigious SEO cathedral, Semrush headquarters, the ghosts of Google’s PageRank past wandered through empty cubicles like digital Marley’s chains, rattling with the weight of a thousand unpaid invoices and discontinued features. The year 2024 […] More
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in AI
The Great Software Developer Compression: How Silicon Valley Accidentally Speedrun Themselves Into Extinction
In the grand tradition of technological innovation solving problems that didn’t exist while creating catastrophes that definitely do, the software engineering profession has undergone what historians will undoubtedly call “The Great Compression” – a miraculous feat of time-space manipulation that has condensed four years of computer science education into what can only be described as […] More
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in AIThe Curious Case of the Self-Regulating AI Industry: How Silicon Valley Convinced Everyone That Foxes Make Excellent Henhouse Guards
The facts of the case, when laid bare, present a puzzle so elementary that even the most novice investigator of corporate behavior should find the solution immediately apparent. Yet somehow, an entire industry has managed to convince regulators, politicians, and the public that the very companies racing to deploy potentially dangerous artificial intelligence systems are […] More
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Elon Musk Discovers Revolutionary New AI Marketing Strategy: Complaining About Everyone Else While Screaming About His Own Product
Down the rabbit hole of social media self-promotion, where logic goes to die and billionaires tweet in circles, Elon Musk has stumbled upon a marketing strategy so brilliantly contradictory that it would make the Mad Hatter applaud while simultaneously filing a patent infringement lawsuit. In a world where artificial intelligence has become the new gold […] More
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in Tech
OpenAI Announces Revolutionary New Mission: “Artificial General Intelligence for Some Humans, Miniature American Flags for Others”
In a stunning display of corporate transparency that would make Winston Smith weep with joy, OpenAI has quietly clarified its mission statement. No longer content with the vague promise of “ensuring artificial general intelligence benefits all of humanity,” the company has embraced a more nuanced approach: “ensuring artificial general intelligence benefits the humans who can […] More
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in Tech
Adobe Somehow Missed the Most Obvious Money-Printing Opportunity in Tech History: Dreamweaver as the Ultimate Vibe Coding Platform
Down the rabbit hole of corporate strategy blunders, where logic goes to die and billion-dollar opportunities slip through the fingers of companies who specialize in turning simple creative tools into subscription-based torture devices, we find perhaps the most bewildering oversight in Silicon Valley history. Adobe—the same Adobe that convinced designers to pay monthly rent for […] More
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in Business
Peter Thiel Discovers Revolutionary Investment Strategy: Say One Thing, Do the Opposite, Profit Enormously
The most successful investors of our time have perfected a technique so elegant in its simplicity that it would make Machiavelli weep with admiration. They have learned to weaponize wisdom itself, transforming genuine insights into strategic misdirection that serves their interests while leaving followers to stumble through markets armed with advice that was never meant […] More
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Down the Rabbit Hole: How AI Companies Discovered That Their Revolutionary Technology Only Works When Users Are Psychic
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her laptop, having nothing to do. Once or twice she had peeped into the AI chatbot her company had purchased for $20,000 per month, but it had no pictures or conversations worth having—”And what is the use of artificial intelligence,” thought Alice, “without pictures or […] More
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A Tale of Two Millimeters: How Apple Discovered That Customers Were Holding Their Phones Wrong (They Were Too Thick)
It was the best of times for Apple shareholders, it was the worst of times for anyone who actually wanted their iPhone to survive a gentle breeze. In the gleaming towers of Cupertino, where the air is thick with the scent of liquid courage and premium pricing strategies, a revolution was brewing. Not the kind […] More
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in AI
The Prompt Gospelist: Why This Tech Billionaire Believes Your Decade of Experience Is Worth Less Than a Few Months of Chatting with AI
As humanity stands on the precipice of either unprecedented enlightenment or complete intellectual surrender, Reid Hoffman has made a declaration that would reshape our understanding of human achievement. The co-founder of LinkedIn—that digital purgatory where professionals go to cosplay their career ambitions—announced that “10,000 prompts is the new 10,000 hours.” This was not presented as […] More
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