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SEO Is Dead: How the Algorithmic Ghosts of 2025 Outlived Their Meaning
It began, as most digital funerals do, not with a bang but with a press release. “SEO IS DEAD,” cried the headline, though most SEO “professionals” shrugged and refreshed their Google Search Console dashboards. To deny the death of SEO in 2025 is to wax nostalgic about horse-drawn carriages while AI-powered maglev pods zip silently […] More
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in AI
While WordPress Fiddles With Legal Briefs, Rome Burns: The Great AI Opportunity That Nobody Asked WordPress About
In the grand theater of technological progress, where artificial intelligence has begun to whisper sweet code into the ears of software developers worldwide, WordPress—that stalwart champion of democratized web publishing—finds itself engaged in what can only be described as the most spectacularly tone-deaf corporate melodrama since Nokia decided smartphones were “just a fad.” While Matt […] More
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in Tech
Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen
The Great Schism of 2025: A Shakespearean Tragedy in 280 Characters In the grand theater of American power, where political ambition meets algorithm and an orange ego collides with encryption, we witness the most spectacular falling-out since Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak disagreed about garage ventilation. The Trump–Musk inevitable divorce proceedings have begun, and the […] More
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ChatGPT’s Outages: The Ultimate Product/Market Fit Flex That Nobody Asked For
In which we discover that server downtime has become Silicon Valley’s newest form of humble-bragging The Great Digital Tantrum of 2025 When ChatGPT experiences even the briefest hiccup—a mere thirty-second delay in generating yet another mediocre haiku about productivity—the internet transforms into a digital Pompeii of despair. X becomes a wasteland of “Is ChatGPT down […] More
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in Tech
Decoding Elon Musk’s Latest Tweet: A Cry for Help or Just Bad Tacos?
The offices of TechOnion, much like the internet itself, possess a peculiar hum—a low-grade thrum of existential dread mixed with the scent of burnt coffee. It was upon this familiar frequency that the latest disturbance arrived, not with a bang, but with a tweet. Or rather, a series of tweets, a digital crime scene so […] More
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The Great OS Wars: How Windows Peasants and Mac Aristocrats Destroyed Civilization While Chrome Laughed in the Background
In what military historians are calling “the most passive-aggressive conflict since the invention of office politics,” the decades-long rivalry between Microsoft Windows and Apple’s macOS has finally escalated into full-scale digital warfare, complete with propaganda campaigns, defector scandals, and one particularly devastating ninja attack that nobody saw coming. To be, or not to be—that is […] More
Simba the "Tech King"
