TL;DR AI didn’t fail. The story we were sold did. We were promised a world where intelligence becomes cheap, abundant, and universal—where AI sits in front of us, ready to serve. But every product that forced humans to interact with AI directly has quietly failed. Because humans don’t want intelligence.They want outcomes. The future of […]
Here’s what history teaches us about grand deceptions: they don’t repeat exactly, but they do share a signature—a seductive promise of a transformative leap, a new technology so revolutionary it will remake civilization as we know it, backed by charismatic prophets who tell us this time is different! In 1770, it was the Mechanical Turk promising […]
In 1945, the United States dropped two atomic bombs on Japan, forcing an empire to its knees in a matter of days. In 2025, Silicon Valley is dropping something far more insidious on the entire planet—and unlike Hiroshima’s survivors, we’re eagerly standing in the blast radius, phones out, ready to let the shockwave vaporize our […]
In a breathtaking display of technical mastery that would make Alan Turing simultaneously proud and deeply confused, a YouTuber by the name Sammyuri has successfully built ChatGPT using Minecraft redstone circuits. Yes, you read that correctly. While the rest of the world debates whether AI will destroy humanity or save it, one visionary YouTuber has […]
The Ministry of Artificial Intelligence—formerly known as OpenAI—has announced its latest innovation in human optimization: a LinkedIn competitor that promises to revolutionize the hiring process by removing the most inefficient element from recruitment: actual humans making actual recruitment decisions. According to Fidji Simo, OpenAI’s newly minted CEO of Applications (a title that sounds suspiciously like […]
A tragic tale of algorithmic romance and the death of keyword courtship In what relationship experts are calling “the most significant romantic disruption since dating apps convinced us that love could be optimized through swipe mechanics,” millions of users worldwide are abandoning their longtime search companion Google for the sweet, conversational embrace of AI chatbots. […]
In a stunning display of technological anticlimax that rivals the launch of Google Glass and the Segway combined, OpenAI’s much-heralded GPT Store has transformed from “the future of AI ecosystems” to “that thing we all forgot existed faster than you can say ‘paradigm shift.’” The digital storefront that promised to revolutionize how we interact with […]
In which we discover that server downtime has become Silicon Valley’s newest form of humble-bragging The Great Digital Tantrum of 2025 When ChatGPT experiences even the briefest hiccup—a mere thirty-second delay in generating yet another mediocre haiku about productivity—the internet transforms into a digital Pompeii of despair. X becomes a wasteland of “Is ChatGPT down […]
In a world where instant gratification isn’t quite instant enough, OpenAI has revolutionized the concept of patience with its groundbreaking “deep research” feature. Released in February 2025, this technological marvel promises to transform your half-formed questions into comprehensive, citation-riddled reports that would make your college professor both impressed and suspicious. All for the modest price […]
From: [email protected]: [email protected] Subject: THE AGI DELUSION! Dear Sam Altman, Congratulations are in order for successfully convincing the entire gullible world that OpenAI is merely months away from creating an artificial god (AGI) while hemorrhaging a modest $5 billion this year. As long-time observers of Silicon Valley’s reality distortion fields, we must say yours has […]
“What good is the mosquito?” has been the existential question plaguing theologians, biologists, and anyone who’s ever attended a summer barbecue since the dawn of time. While most of the creatures have clear purposes or at least redeeming qualities, the mosquito seems like a cosmic oversight—a divine debugging error in creation’s otherwise immaculate source code. […]
In what may be the least surprising scientific discovery since researchers confirmed that bears do indeed defecate in wooded areas, OpenAI and MIT scientists have published groundbreaking research revealing that people who spend hours talking to an AI chatbot instead of humans report feeling… wait for it… lonely.1 The joint study, which analyzed over 40 […]
In what industry experts are calling “the most transparent attempt to hook young minds on AI since Facebook started giving free internet to India,” OpenAI CEO Sam Altman announced yesterday that college students across the United States and Canada will receive free access to ChatGPT Plus through the end of May1. This magnanimous gesture—which just […]
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist,” said Verbal Kint in “The Usual Suspects.” Similarly, the greatest trick the tech industry ever pulled was convincing the world that anyone actually knows what an LLM is, despite everyone talking about them with religious fervor. Welcome to 2025, where the […]
“I think, therefore I am,” declared René Descartes, blissfully unaware that centuries later, an AI chatbot would think, therefore it would accuse innocent Norwegians of filicide. Welcome to the brave new world of artificial intelligence, where the line between fact and fiction is blurrier than a farsighted mole’s vision after a three-day bender. In a […]
Aristotle once pondered, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” But when it comes to ChatGPT’s $200 subscription tier, one must ask: is emptying your wallet greater than the sum of features you barely use? In the gleaming headquarters of the Institute for Cognitive Expenditure Analysis, researchers have made a startling discovery. […]
In a desperate bid to avoid being left in China’s digital dust, OpenAI has declared that the AI race will end in a mushroom cloud of plagiarism if the U.S. doesn’t grant them unfettered access to copyrighted material. Meanwhile, Napster—once the poster child for copyright infringement—has emerged from its digital tomb to ask, “What if we […]
In a secret underground bunker beneath Silicon Valley, Sam Altman stands before a mirror practicing his keynote expressions. “Humble yet visionary,” he whispers, tilting his head slightly while softening his gaze. “Concerned but optimistic,” he continues, furrowing his brow while maintaining an enigmatic half-smile. Finally, “I’ve-seen-the-future-and-it’s-both-terrifying-and-wonderful-but-don’t-worry-we’re-handling-it,” which involves a complex series of micro-expressions only visible […]
