Tag Archives: Tesla

TechGAG

Autonomous Repo: Tesla Cybertruck’s Hidden “Payment-Sensitive Homing Protocol” Returns Vehicles to Giga Factory

Posted on by Simba
an image showing the Tesla Cybertruck going back to the Tesla Gigafactory after a missed payment
16
May

In what industry insiders are calling “the most aggressive debt collection innovation since medieval debtors’ prison,” Tesla has apparently deployed a revolutionary feature in their Cybertruck fleet that allows the vehicles to autonomously return to the Tesla Gigafactory when owners fall behind on payments. This technological breakthrough, unofficially dubbed “Operation Boomerang,” represents the logical conclusion […]

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TechGAG

CEO Replacement Speedrun: Tesla Board Secretly Attempts To Clone 2008 Elon Musk While Current Version Runs D.O.G.E

Posted on by Simba
07
May

In a shocking revelation that Tesla has vigorously denied with the corporate equivalent of “I did not have textual relations with that executive search firm,” the Wall Street Journal reported last week that Tesla’s board began contacting headhunters to find someone – anyone – who could replace Elon Musk as CEO while the billionaire was […]

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TechGAG

Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions

Posted on by Simba
23
Apr

In what financial historians will surely document as the most expensive joke in economic history, Tesla ($TSLA) has completed its remarkable transformation from “revolutionary electric vehicle company” to “extremely expensive internet meme that occasionally manufactures cars.” This evolution has placed it firmly in the same investment category as Dogecoin—a cryptocurrency literally created to mock cryptocurrency, […]

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TechGAG

Cybertruck Recall: Tesla’s Latest Attempt to Make Driving Exciting Again

Posted on by Simba

“To err is human, to recall is divine,” said Alexander Pope, or at least he would have if he had lived to see Tesla’s latest foray into involuntary vehicle repossession. In a move that’s shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, Tesla has announced its largest ever recall of the Cybertruck, proving once again […]

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