The Leather Jacket Prophecies: An Open Letter To Jensen Huang Before Nvidia's $3 Trillion Empire Crumbles Under The Weight Of Its Own GPUs - TechOnion

Dear Jensen Huang,

First, congratulations on propelling Nvidia to a $3+ trillion market cap. You’ve managed to convince the world that a company selling glorified math processors should be valued higher than entire African nation-states. As you ponder your next world-changing keynote from atop your throne of melted graphics cards, we thought we would offer some unsolicited and most likely unwelcome advice before your empire of silicon and leather jackets faces the inevitable cooling phase.

Remember When You Actually Made Things for Gamers?

Jensen, it feels like just yesterday you were a plucky entrepreneur launching Nvidia from a Denny’s booth, surviving only on pancakes and determination. Now you are the 18th wealthiest person in the world with a net worth of $100.2 billion, and it seems you’ve developed a peculiar form of corporate amnesia.¹

Let me remind you: before you became AI’s favorite leather-clad prophet, Nvidia made GPUs for gamers. You know, those strange creatures who paid over-the-top prices to render virtual dragons at increasingly ridiculous frame rates? The ones who built your company before “artificial intelligence” became the corporate equivalent of adding “blockchain” to a company name in 2017?

Your invention of the GPU in 1999 sparked the growth of the PC gaming market.² Yet at your CES 2025 keynote, you barely mentioned gaming before pivoting to self-driving cars, humanoid robots, and Project DIGITS.³ Even when you announced the GeForce RTX 50-series, it felt like an obligatory nod to your past – like a rockstar reluctantly playing their old hit song before launching into the experimental jazz-amapiano fusion album nobody asked for.

Remember Amazon’s core mission? They started with books but never abandoned retail while building AWS. Your core audience still consists of gamers who need to render polygons at ludicrous speeds to feel alive. Don’t leave them behind while you’re busy torturing employees into greatness.⁴

The AI Bubble Bath: Soaking in Hype Until Your Fingers Prune

The world is experiencing an unprecedented case of collective AI amnesia. Everyone seems to have forgotten that neural networks have existed since the 1950s, and that we have cycled through AI winters and springs more regularly than fashion trends.

In March 2024, you were compared to Taylor Swift by none other than Mark Zuckerberg. Is that not the clearest sign of a bubble? When tech CEOs start having the cultural impact of pop stars, it’s time to check your tech stocks portfolio diversification.

You have masterfully positioned Nvidia as the shovel-seller in the AI gold rush. But Jensen, what happens when miners realize the gold might be pyrite? You are betting everything on the belief that companies will continue dumping billions into AI infrastructure without demanding clear returns (ROI). You’ve gone from “our company is thirty days from going out of business” to “AI needs 100 times more computation than we thought last year”.⁵ Convenient, isn’t it?

Your recent declaration that “almost the entire world got it wrong” about AI computation needs is either brilliant foresight or the most elegant corporate upsell in history. “Sorry folks, turns out you need 1,000x more of our products than we initially said! Total coincidence that we happen to be the only company selling them – ooops!”

Geopolitical Fence-Sitting: The US-China AI Split and Your $50 Billion Dilemma

Jensen, you are attempting the most precarious balancing act since Philippe Petit walked between the Twin Towers. On one hand, you are telling American policymakers that the US must “embrace AI technology” and “invest in reskilling” – this sounds patriotic enough.⁶ On the other ai robotic hand of yours, you are lamenting to investors that losing access to China’s “$50 billion” AI market would be a “tremendous loss”.⁷

You’ve already disclosed a $5.5 billion hit to earnings due to restrictions on sales of H20 chips to China. Yet simultaneously, you are collaborating with Foxconn to assemble AI servers near Houston, earning praise from President Trump who now conveniently calls you “my friend Jensen”.⁸

Meanwhile, China’s DeepSeek and other homegrown competitors are gaining ground, accelerating their push for AI independence.⁹ Your fence-sitting strategy is creating a scenario where neither side fully trusts you, while competitors on both sides eat into your market share.

Perhaps you should move Nvidia’s headquarters to Switzerland? At least then your neutrality would be geographically consistent. You could replace your leather jacket with a nice, non-threatening cardigan like Satya Nadella does at Microsoft.

The Open Source Paradox: Shouting “Collaboration” While Locking the Back Door

For a company that benefits enormously from open-source software, Nvidia’s relationship with the open-source community resembles that one friend who always forgets their wallet at dinner.

Yes, Nvidia “contributes to many open-source projects, including the Linux Kernel, PyTorch, Universal Scene Description (USD), Kubernetes, TensorFlow, Docker, and JAX”.¹⁰ You’ve built Dynamo on open-source technologies like NATS.io, etcd, TensorRT-LLM, vLLM, PyTorch, Kubernetes, Prometheus, and Grafana. How generous of you to contribute to the projects you directly profit from!

Meanwhile, your GPU drivers remain locked down tighter than USA’s Fort Knox. As one Reddit user eloquently explained: “It’s always been suspected that the true difference between the cheap gaming cards (GEFORCE) and the expensive professional video cards (QUADRO) is actually in the driver. Almost identical hardware but the cheap gaming cards are limited by the driver”.

You claim to have “driven the marginal cost of computing down by one million times” over the last 20 years.¹¹ Yet somehow, an average AI startup burns through cash faster than a lottery winner at a casino. If computing costs have truly dropped by a factor of one million, why do researchers need $500,000 just to fine-tune a model that still hallucinates Abraham Lincoln’s phone number?

Your Quantum Mea Culpa: Too Little, Too Late, Too Theoretical

Your GTC 2025 featured the first-ever “Quantum Day,” which you framed as an apology for your January comments suggesting quantum computing was 15-30 years away from being “very useful”. Those comments sent quantum stocks tumbling over 60%.¹²

You opened the panel by joking, “You know, this is the first event in history where a company CEO invites all of the guests to explain why he was wrong”. How magnanimous! Unfortunately, some panelists weren’t convinced of your contrition, with one CEO noting that “the messaging wasn’t really Jensen saying he was wrong, but my sense was he still is not convinced of the timeline and utility of quantum computing”.

When you joked, “How could a quantum computer company be public?”, did you consider that your casual comments have real-world consequences for an emerging industry? Or was that just another example of the famous Jensen Huang management philosophy of “torturing into greatness”?

In Conclusion: The Leather Jacket Legacy

Jensen, you have built something remarkable. You transformed Nvidia from a company that nearly went bankrupt to a $3 trillion behemoth. Your 30-year tenure as CEO is “almost unheard of in fast-moving Silicon Valley”. You are one of the few tech CEOs who maintains a relatively flat management structure with around 60 direct reports. You don’t even wear a watch because, as you like to say, “now is the most important time”.

But success can breed complacency, and meteoric rises often precede spectacular falls. The AI boom has made you a celebrity – “Jensanity” they call it in Taiwan – but as you later find out, celebrity status is notoriously fickle.

So as you continue to announce new chips with names like Blackwell Ultra, Vera Rubin, and Feynman, remember that your legacy will be determined not just by your stock price or your keynote performances, but by whether you used your immense power and wealth to make computing more accessible, affordable, and open to all.

Or perhaps we are wrong, and you will simply continue riding the AI wave straight into the trillion-dollar sunset, leather jacket flapping magnificently in the wind, while the rest of us wonder how a company selling specialized math processors became more valuable than the entire economies of countries like Spain or Mexico.

Either way, TechOnion will be watching your every move, analyzing every leather jacket variation, and scrutinizing every grandiose statement about AI’s computational needs. Even if we secretly admire your journey from a local Denny’s to the pinnacle of the tech world.

With equal parts skepticism and admiration,
[TechOnion]

P.S. Have thoughts on Jensen’s leather jacket collection or Nvidia’s AI dominance? Comment below – we promise to read them while mining your data for our proprietary sentiment analysis algorithm (which runs on Nvidia GPUs, naturally).

If you enjoyed this article, consider supporting TechOnion with a donation. Unlike Nvidia's chip prices, we accept any amount you can afford. Your contributions help us continue peeling back the layers of tech industry absurdity while our writers weep silently into their non-leather jackets that definitely aren't knockoffs of Jensen's iconic look.

The Leather Jacket Prophecies: An Open Letter to Jensen Huang Before Nvidia’s $3 Trillion Empire Crumbles Under the Weight of Its Own GPUs

Remember When You Actually Made Things for Gamers?

The AI Bubble Bath: Soaking in Hype Until Your Fingers Prune

Geopolitical Fence-Sitting: The US-China AI Split and Your $50 Billion Dilemma

The Open Source Paradox: Shouting “Collaboration” While Locking the Back Door

Your Quantum Mea Culpa: Too Little, Too Late, Too Theoretical

In Conclusion: The Leather Jacket Legacy

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