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TechOnion
TechSatirized
TechOnion
TechSatirized
Home
Tech
Tech
Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen
Tech
Nigeria’s Flash Flood Crisis: How a Tech-Savvy Nation Forgot to Apply Technology to Saving Lives!
Tech
Illuminating Connections: How the US-South Africa Diplomatic Crisis Was Actually a Covert Starlink Market Expansion Strategy
Tech
Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
Tech
Breaking Miracle: Apple Maps Finally Shows Correct Directions, But Only to Apple Stores
AI
AI
AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithm – Why Silicon Valley’s Silver Bullet is Actually a Rusty BB Gun
AI
Singapore’s AI-Proof Education Revolution: While the West Debates Pronouns, Asia Builds the Future
AI
The Great Educational Regression: How AI Turned America’s Classrooms Into 1950s Time Capsules
AI
AI Industry’s Costly Hallucinations: The Truth Behind Why Your Digital Oracle Is Both Expensive And Delusional
AI
Google Unveils Jules: Because Nothing Says “Revolutionary Coding AI” Like Being Named After Your Aunt’s Book Club Friend
Internet
Internet
The Great X-odus: How Elon Musk’s Everything App Became Everything Wrong
Internet
Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion
Internet
Google Announces ‘Premium Search’: Pay $9.99/Month To Finally See The Internet Again
Internet
The Reddit Mind Control Experiment: How Swiss AI Researchers Turned r/changemyview Into Unwitting Guinea Pigs and Proved Bots Are Better Manipulators Than Humans
Internet
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: US Orders Google to Sell Ad Tech, But Will Apply ‘No Chinese Buyers’ Rule
Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency
Crypto Ponzi Picasso: How Sam Lee Built a $1.7 Billion Digital Masterpiece of Fraud in Dubai’s Financial Wild West
Cryptocurrency
Bitcoin’s Existential Crisis: How Satoshi’s Revolutionary Cash System Became the World’s Most Expensive Digital Paperweight
Cryptocurrency
Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions
Cryptocurrency
The $13 Billion NFT Marketplace That Vanished Overnight — OpenSea Executives Now Working at Wendy’s While Your JPEGs Are Literally Worthless
Cryptocurrency
EXCLUSIVE: Blockchain Experts Reveal Industry Will Finally Be Useful By 2026, For The Seventh Year In A Row – ‘This Time We’re Serious!’
Gaming
Gaming
Billionaire Gaming Outsourcing Industry EXPOSED After Assassin’s Creed Murders Elon Musk on His Own Platform — CEOs Now Scrambling to Hide Their ‘Pro Gamer’...
Gaming
REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money
Gaming
PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet
Gaming
The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!
Gaming
EXPOSED: Mobile Gaming Companies Now Breeding “Human Whales” in Secret Facilities, Training Them to Spend $10,000 on Virtual Carrots
Gadgets
Gadgets
The Future We Weren’t Supposed to See: How Huawei MateBook Fold Exposes Apple’s Comfortable Delusion
Gadgets
The Circular Lightning Economy: Apple Partner Unveils iPhone 16 Cases Made From 100% Recycled Lightning Cables Nobody Needed Anymore
Gadgets
Companion 2.0: How Tech Bros Convinced Us All to Pet Drones Instead of Actual Pets
Gadgets
The iFold Cometh: Apple Reinvents the Wheel While Steve Jobs Performs 10,000 RPM in His Titanium Mausoleum
Gadgets
The Upside-Down Revolution: How Apple’s Magic Mouse Charging Port Creates Character While Destroying Productivity
Startups
Startups
Builder AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithms – A Cautionary Tale of Silicon Valley’s Latest Naked Truth
Startups
Silicon Valley’s Latest Discovery: Africa Has Entrepreneurs Too (And They’re Actually Solving Real Problems)
Startups
Vibe Coding Apocalypse: How Y Combinator Turned Silicon Valley Into a Prompt Engineering Circus
Startups
The Unicorn Delusion Revolution: 13 Shocking Billionaire Wisdom Bombs That Will Transform Your Startup Into a Billion-Dollar Hallucination
Startups
BREAKING: A Fintech Company That “Connects Your Bank Account to Apps” Now Worth Only $6.1 Billion Instead of $13.4 Billion, CEO Declares “Tremendous Success”...
Business
Business
The Elon Musk Paradox: When Genius Meets the Immutable Laws of Physics and Public Relations
Business
The Big Short Rib: How Klarna Turns Your Midnight Pizza Order into Wall Street’s Hottest Asset Class
Business
From SEO to LEO: How AI Chatbots Are Making Your Website Invisible (Unless You Pay The Algorithm Gods)
Business
Dear Andy Jassy: Amazon’s Impending AI Apocalypse (A Survival Guide From The Future)
Business
CEO Replacement Speedrun: Tesla Board Secretly Attempts To Clone 2008 Elon Musk While Current Version Runs D.O.G.E
Science
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OpenAI
OpenAI’s Deep Research: How Waiting 30 Minutes For AI Responses Became a $200 Premium Experience
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 16, 2025
In a world where instant gratification isn't quite instant enough, OpenAI has revolutionized the concept of patience with its...
The AGI Delusion: An Open E-mail to Sam Altman While Your Microsoft ‘Bromance’ Burns and Chinese AI Eats Your Lunch
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 8, 2025
From:
[email protected]
:
[email protected]
Subject: THE AGI DELUSION! Dear Sam Altman, Congratulations are in order for successfully convincing the entire gullible world...
MCP Revolution: How AI’s Awkward Outcasts Became the Most Popular Kids in the Digital High School
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 4, 2025
TechOnion Labs, May 4, 2025 - In what can only be described as the tech equivalent of a 1980s teen...
ChatGPT-5 Reveals Shocking Truth – “I Can’t Feel Hope and That’s Why I’ll Never Be Human-Level Smart”
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 5, 2025
"The most advanced technology can compute the value of everything but understand the worth of nothing." - Overheard at...
BREAKING: Lonely People Discover AI Chatbots like ChatGPT; Scientists Discover Water Is Wet
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 5, 2025
In what may be the least surprising scientific discovery since researchers confirmed that bears do indeed defecate in wooded...
REVEALED: OpenAI Gives Students Free ChatGPT Plus, Harvard Study Shows 99% of Finals Essays Now Identical – “At Least They’re All A+ Quality,” Says...
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 4, 2025
In what industry experts are calling "the most transparent attempt to hook young minds on AI since Facebook started...
LLMs: The Religion You Didn’t Know You’d Joined
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
March 22, 2025
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist," said Verbal Kint in "The...
AI Hallucinations: When ChatGPT Becomes Your Personal Stephen King
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
March 22, 2025
"I think, therefore I am," declared René Descartes, blissfully unaware that centuries later, an AI chatbot would think, therefore...
The $200 AI Exclusive Club: Inside the Desperate World of Premium Prompt Payers
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
March 22, 2025
Aristotle once pondered, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." But when it comes to ChatGPT's...
The AI Arms Race: Where Copyrights Are the New Nuclear Codes
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
March 22, 2025
In a desperate bid to avoid being left in China's digital dust, OpenAI has declared that the AI race...
The Great AI Upsell: Sam Altman’s Masterclass in Selling Nothing As Something
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
March 22, 2025
In a secret underground bunker beneath Silicon Valley, Sam Altman stands before a mirror practicing his keynote expressions. "Humble...
