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TechOnion
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TechOnion
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Tech
Tech
Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
Tech
Breaking Miracle: Apple Maps Finally Shows Correct Directions, But Only to Apple Stores
Tech
Autonomous Repo: Tesla Cybertruck’s Hidden “Payment-Sensitive Homing Protocol” Returns Vehicles to Giga Factory
Tech
DOGE Capital: Elon Musk’s Ultimate Startup Where MVP Stands for ‘Minimum Viable Presidency’
Tech
The Great Scrum Extinction: How AI Is Finally Eliminating the Tech Industry’s Most Beloved Meeting Generators
AI
AI
Google Unveils Jules: Because Nothing Says “Revolutionary Coding AI” Like Being Named After Your Aunt’s Book Club Friend
AI
Vibe Coding Check Failed: Why AI Coding Tools are F1 Cars Being Handed to Toddlers with Learner’s Permits
AI
AI’s Emotional Intelligence Breakthrough: Klarna Discovers Humans Had It All Along!
AI
Stack Over-Now-Underflow: The Tragicomic Tale of How AI Killed the Internet’s Sacred Developer Temple
AI
The Great AI Energy Crisis: How Eric Schmidt’s ‘Underhyped’ AI Revolution Will Leave Us in the Dark
Internet
Internet
Google Announces ‘Premium Search’: Pay $9.99/Month To Finally See The Internet Again
Internet
The Reddit Mind Control Experiment: How Swiss AI Researchers Turned r/changemyview Into Unwitting Guinea Pigs and Proved Bots Are Better Manipulators Than Humans
Internet
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: US Orders Google to Sell Ad Tech, But Will Apply ‘No Chinese Buyers’ Rule
Internet
The Attention Hunger Games: How Donald Trump’s AI Pope Stunt Proves We’re Living in a Digital Colosseum
Internet
The Attention Arms Race: How China Weaponized Your Brain’s 8-Second Filter with TikTok While America Was Busy Making Content
Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency
Crypto Ponzi Picasso: How Sam Lee Built a $1.7 Billion Digital Masterpiece of Fraud in Dubai’s Financial Wild West
Cryptocurrency
Bitcoin’s Existential Crisis: How Satoshi’s Revolutionary Cash System Became the World’s Most Expensive Digital Paperweight
Cryptocurrency
Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions
Cryptocurrency
The $13 Billion NFT Marketplace That Vanished Overnight — OpenSea Executives Now Working at Wendy’s While Your JPEGs Are Literally Worthless
Cryptocurrency
EXCLUSIVE: Blockchain Experts Reveal Industry Will Finally Be Useful By 2026, For The Seventh Year In A Row – ‘This Time We’re Serious!’
Gaming
Gaming
Billionaire Gaming Outsourcing Industry EXPOSED After Assassin’s Creed Murders Elon Musk on His Own Platform — CEOs Now Scrambling to Hide Their ‘Pro Gamer’...
Gaming
REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money
Gaming
PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet
Gaming
The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!
Gaming
EXPOSED: Mobile Gaming Companies Now Breeding “Human Whales” in Secret Facilities, Training Them to Spend $10,000 on Virtual Carrots
Gadgets
Gadgets
The Circular Lightning Economy: Apple Partner Unveils iPhone 16 Cases Made From 100% Recycled Lightning Cables Nobody Needed Anymore
Gadgets
Companion 2.0: How Tech Bros Convinced Us All to Pet Drones Instead of Actual Pets
Gadgets
The iFold Cometh: Apple Reinvents the Wheel While Steve Jobs Performs 10,000 RPM in His Titanium Mausoleum
Gadgets
The Upside-Down Revolution: How Apple’s Magic Mouse Charging Port Creates Character While Destroying Productivity
Gadgets
The QWERTY Immortality Syndrome: How the World’s Most Mediocre Technology Outlasted 8 U.S. Presidents, 17 iPhones, and Your Will to Live
Startups
Startups
Vibe Coding Apocalypse: How Y Combinator Turned Silicon Valley Into a Prompt Engineering Circus
Startups
The Unicorn Delusion Revolution: 13 Shocking Billionaire Wisdom Bombs That Will Transform Your Startup Into a Billion-Dollar Hallucination
Startups
BREAKING: A Fintech Company That “Connects Your Bank Account to Apps” Now Worth Only $6.1 Billion Instead of $13.4 Billion, CEO Declares “Tremendous Success”...
Startups
BREAKING: VC Obsessed With ‘Shinise’ Businesses Asks Startup to Imagine 100-Year Plan, Founder Has Existential Crisis After Realizing ‘AI-Enabled Blockchain for Pets’ Won’t Solve...
Startups
EXPOSED: 12 Startups Racing to IPO Before AI Makes Them Completely Worthless — Number 7 Will Make You Cry For Their Investors
Business
Business
The Big Short Rib: How Klarna Turns Your Midnight Pizza Order into Wall Street’s Hottest Asset Class
Business
From SEO to LEO: How AI Chatbots Are Making Your Website Invisible (Unless You Pay The Algorithm Gods)
Business
Dear Andy Jassy: Amazon’s Impending AI Apocalypse (A Survival Guide From The Future)
Business
CEO Replacement Speedrun: Tesla Board Secretly Attempts To Clone 2008 Elon Musk While Current Version Runs D.O.G.E
Business
RENT-OCALYPSE NOW: Airbnb Solves Housing Crisis By Ensuring No One Can Actually Live Anywhere – A Revolution in Making Homelessness Profitable
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Jensen Huang
The Leather Jacket Prophecies: An Open Letter to Jensen Huang Before Nvidia’s $3 Trillion Empire Crumbles Under the Weight of Its Own GPUs
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 8, 2025
Dear Jensen Huang, First, congratulations on propelling Nvidia to a $3+ trillion market cap. You've managed to convince the world...
