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TechOnion
TechSatirized
TechOnion
TechSatirized
Home
Tech
Tech
Subscription Apocalypse Breakthrough: How Tech’s New Chief Monetization Officers (CMO) Transform Your Digital Soul Into Quarterly Earnings
Tech
Digital Dark Age Revival: Spain and Portugal Heroically Deny Cyberattacks While Still Searching for Power Button!
Tech
Machine Learning Revelation: How Computers Learn to Predict Your Life Choices Before You Make Them (And Why That’s Totally Not Creepy)
Tech
The Zealous Z-Vocabulary Revolution: 10 Zenith-Level Terms That Will Transform Your Tech Status Overnight
Tech
The Youthful Y-Vocabulary Revolution: 10 Yowza-Level Terms That Will Transform Your Tech Status Overnight
AI
AI
MCP Revolution: How AI’s Awkward Outcasts Became the Most Popular Kids in the Digital High School
AI
USB-C for Your Soul: Silicon Valley’s Latest Plan to Outsource Your Brain to the Cloud via MCP
AI
Model Context Protocol (MCP): The AI Industry’s Latest Solution to Problems It Created (And Five New Ones We Didn’t Need)
AI
AI Customer Service Evolution: Hallucinating Policies and Perfecting the Digital Hard Sell
AI
UAE Entrusts Legal System to AI: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Ask Trump’s $2 Trillion Tariff Disaster!)
Internet
Internet
The Attention Arms Race: How China Weaponized Your Brain’s 8-Second Filter with TikTok While America Was Busy Making Content
Internet
From Cord-Cutting Crusader to Digital Overlord: How Netflix Became the Cable Monster It Once Slayed
Internet
Digital Empire Delusion: How PLR Master Resell Rights Turned Everyone Into a Failed Entrepreneur Overnight
Internet
The $100 Million Delusion Matrix: How The Diary of a CEO Founder Steven Bartlett Uses Data Science to Prove Listeners Desperately Want MORE Advertisements
Internet
The Great American Brain Heist: How China’s Algorithmic Trojan Horse “TikTok” Conquered 170 Million Americans While Politicians Fought Over Who Gets to Keep the...
Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency
Bitcoin’s Existential Crisis: How Satoshi’s Revolutionary Cash System Became the World’s Most Expensive Digital Paperweight
Cryptocurrency
Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions
Cryptocurrency
The $13 Billion NFT Marketplace That Vanished Overnight — OpenSea Executives Now Working at Wendy’s While Your JPEGs Are Literally Worthless
Cryptocurrency
EXCLUSIVE: Blockchain Experts Reveal Industry Will Finally Be Useful By 2026, For The Seventh Year In A Row – ‘This Time We’re Serious!’
Cryptocurrency
REPORT: Financial Experts Predict Cartoon Dog Money ‘Dogecoin’ Will Outperform Real Economy by 2030, Suggests Pet Ownership Might Be Unnecessary When You Can Own...
Gaming
Gaming
Billionaire Gaming Outsourcing Industry EXPOSED After Assassin’s Creed Murders Elon Musk on His Own Platform — CEOs Now Scrambling to Hide Their ‘Pro Gamer’...
Gaming
REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money
Gaming
PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet
Gaming
The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!
Gaming
EXPOSED: Mobile Gaming Companies Now Breeding “Human Whales” in Secret Facilities, Training Them to Spend $10,000 on Virtual Carrots
Gadgets
Gadgets
The QWERTY Immortality Syndrome: How the World’s Most Mediocre Technology Outlasted 8 U.S. Presidents, 17 iPhones, and Your Will to Live
Gadgets
USB Cable Apocalypse: How The Tech Industry Turned Connecting Things Into An Existential Crisis
Gadgets
Drone Warfare Evolved: How Your Cousin’s Annoying Christmas Gift Became Humanity’s Most Efficient Killing Machine
Gadgets
The MacBook Identity Crisis: Apple’s $1,000 Up-Charge for a Fan and Three Extra Ports!
Gadgets
Vision Delusion Transformation: How Apple Convinced Itself That $3,500 Vision Pro Would Succeed Where $1,500 Google Glasses Failed
Startups
Startups
Vibe Coding Apocalypse: How Y Combinator Turned Silicon Valley Into a Prompt Engineering Circus
Startups
The Unicorn Delusion Revolution: 13 Shocking Billionaire Wisdom Bombs That Will Transform Your Startup Into a Billion-Dollar Hallucination
Startups
BREAKING: A Fintech Company That “Connects Your Bank Account to Apps” Now Worth Only $6.1 Billion Instead of $13.4 Billion, CEO Declares “Tremendous Success”...
Startups
BREAKING: VC Obsessed With ‘Shinise’ Businesses Asks Startup to Imagine 100-Year Plan, Founder Has Existential Crisis After Realizing ‘AI-Enabled Blockchain for Pets’ Won’t Solve...
Startups
EXPOSED: 12 Startups Racing to IPO Before AI Makes Them Completely Worthless — Number 7 Will Make You Cry For Their Investors
Business
Business
RENT-OCALYPSE NOW: Airbnb Solves Housing Crisis By Ensuring No One Can Actually Live Anywhere – A Revolution in Making Homelessness Profitable
Business
BREAKING: Company Spends $10 Million on Viral Marketing Campaign, Gets Outperformed by 10-Year-Old Posting Video of Cat Sneezing on Banana
Business
INTERNET ILLUMINATI EXPOSED: How Big Corporations Hide The Secret Force “Cloudflare” That Makes Websites 700% Faster — And Why Your Blog Is Like A...
Business
SHOCKING: Billionaire Mark Cuban Invents Revolutionary Tech Called ‘Fair Pricing,’ Pharmaceutical Giants Fear Extinction
Business
SHOCKING: LinkedIn’s ‘Verification’ System So Effective Local Dog Now Confirmed as Chief Barketing Officer at Tesla
Science
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Anthropic
MCP Revolution: How AI’s Awkward Outcasts Became the Most Popular Kids in the Digital High School
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 4, 2025
TechOnion Labs, May 4, 2025 - In what can only be described as the tech equivalent of a 1980s teen...
USB-C for Your Soul: Silicon Valley’s Latest Plan to Outsource Your Brain to the Cloud via MCP
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 4, 2025
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk! TechOnion Labs - In a move that surprised...
