A TechOnion investigation into the counterfactual cybersecurity failures of 1963
In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through both the historical and venture capital...
The diplomatic spat between the United States and South Africa that captivated international headlines for weeks has finally revealed its true purpose. Behind the...
Mr. Jassy,
Congratulations on your ongoing tenure as Chief Executive Officer of what we still affectionately call "Earth's Most Customer-Centric Company," though we both know...
In what company executives are calling "the natural evolution of the search experience," Google has unveiled its long-rumored Premium Search subscription service, promising users...
Dear Jensen Huang,
First, congratulations on propelling Nvidia to a $3+ trillion market cap. You've managed to convince the world that a company selling glorified...
From: [email protected]: [email protected] Subject: THE AGI DELUSION!
Dear Sam Altman,
Congratulations are in order for successfully convincing the entire gullible world that OpenAI is merely months...
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk!
Translated from Zargonian by the Universal Linguistic Matrix
Executive Summary for the High...
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk!
Executive Summary for Supreme Commander
After extensive field research on the primitive technological...
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk!
In my 327 Earth-years of studying primitive civilizations across the galaxy, nothing...
Executive Summary for Supreme Commander
After nearly five decades of Earth observation, our advanced reconnaissance team has identified a particularly fascinating manifestation of human behavior...
Greetings, fellow cosmic observers. As the chief anthropologist of the Zeta Reticuli Observation Corps, I've spent 47 Earth cycles studying human communication patterns. Nothing...
