A tragic tale of algorithmic romance and the death of keyword courtship
In what relationship experts are calling "the most significant romantic disruption since dating apps convinced us that love could be optimized through swipe mechanics," millions...
In a stunning development that has shaken Silicon Valley to its core-processing units, researchers have confirmed what Roman centurions have suspected for millennia: today's most advanced AI Large Language Models cannot reliably interpret or generate Roman...
There exists in the annals of Silicon Valley a most peculiar case—one that has baffled investors, regulators, and rational observers alike for the better...
In the gray, sterile halls of corporate power and the coffee-scented open-plan offices of venture-backed startups, a new language is spoken. It is a...
The offices of TechOnion, much like the internet itself, possess a peculiar hum—a low-grade thrum of existential dread mixed with the scent of burnt...
In a revelation that should make every Scrum Master question their life choices and every Product Owner reconsider their relationship with reality, the Empire...
In which we discover that server downtime has become Silicon Valley's newest form of humble-bragging
The Great Digital Tantrum of 2025
When ChatGPT experiences even the...
The Great Schism of 2025: A Shakespearean Tragedy in 280 Characters
In the grand theater of American power, where political ambition meets algorithm and an...
In a shocking development that has left venture capitalists frantically googling "where is Africa on a map," it has emerged that the continent contains...
In what tech experts are calling "the most precisely targeted navigation update in history," Apple Maps has reportedly achieved 100% accuracy in its directions...
In what industry analysts are calling "the most ironic sustainability initiative since coal-powered electric cars," a prominent Apple accessory maker has announced a new...
In what industry insiders are calling "the most aggressive debt collection innovation since medieval debtors' prison," Tesla has apparently deployed a revolutionary feature in...
