“The most successful parasite is one that convinces its host it doesn’t exist at all. Similarly, the most successful technology is one that convinces humanity it’s simply too essential to question its unchecked growth.” – A philosophical statement Bill Gates probably thought while staring wistfully at his reflection in a Microsoft Surface tablet.
In a development that has career counselors everywhere advising children to “just become influencers instead,” Microsoft co-founder and billionaire soothsayer Bill Gates has made his latest prediction: within ten years, AI will replace many doctors and teachers, making human involvement unnecessary for “most tasks.”1
The prediction comes from a man whose track record in technological prophecy has been so accurate that he should probably be under investigation by the Time Variance Authority. Back in 1999, Gates made 15 predictions about our technological future in his book “Business @ the Speed of Thought,” nearly all of which came true with unsettling precision – from price comparison websites to mobile device ubiquity.2
The Prophet of Redmond Speaks
“With AI, within the next decade, this will become free and ubiquitous — excellent medical guidance and top-notch tutoring will be readily available,” proclaimed Gates during a recent appearance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, describing his vision of a new age characterized by what he terms “free intelligence.”
When pressed about whether humans would still be needed in this brave new world, Gates responded with the casual nonchalance of someone who could buy a small country to use as a personal theme park: “There will be some things we reserve for ourselves. But in terms of making things and moving things and growing food, over time those will be basically solved problems.”3
The statement sent shockwaves through the professional communities it targeted. The American Medical Association immediately reported a 3,000% increase in mid-career doctors enrolling in vibe coding bootcamps, while the National Education Association witnessed an unprecedented surge in teachers googling “how to become a personal brand.”
The Predictive Power of Being Obscenely Wealthy
To understand why Gates’ latest prophecy has caused such consternation, one must first appreciate his almost supernatural accuracy in past predictions. In 1999, while most Americans were worried about Y2K millennial bug and whether Smash Mouth was a flash in the pan, Gates was effectively writing the blueprint for the next two decades of technological development.
Dr. Eleanor Futuresight, director of the completely legitimate Institute for Predictive Analytics, explains: “Gates’ 1999 predictions read like he had a time machine. He foresaw price comparison websites, mobile devices, social media, personalized advertising, and online recruiting before most people had even figured out how to set up an email account. It’s either the most impressive display of technological foresight in history or proof that billionaires secretly have access to quantum technology the rest of us don’t.”
Indeed, Gates predicted Facebook when Mark Zuckerberg was still in middle school, envisioned smartphones when the coolest mobile technology was he Snake game on a Nokia, and foresaw internet job recruiting when most people were still faxing their resumes.4
“Every single one of his 15 predictions has come true,” notes technology historian Marcus Cassandra. “If Bill Gates had instead used this predictive power for horse racing or the stock market, he’d be… well, he’d still be a billionaire, but for different reasons.”
AI Doctors: “Please Restart Your Heart and Try Again”
Gates’ vision of AI-powered healthcare represents what he calls a fundamental shift in how medical expertise is distributed. Currently, expertise remains “uncommon,” requiring patients to seek out “an exceptional doctor” for quality care.5 But according to Gates, AI will democratize this expertise, making “excellent medical guidance” freely available to all.
Medical professionals have responded with a mixture of skepticism, existential dread, and hastily updated LinkedIn profiles.
“I spent 12 years training to become a neurosurgeon,” said Dr. Sarah Scalpel, adjusting her newly purchased “Vibe Coding for Absolute Medical Panickers” textbook. “Now I’m supposed to believe an algorithm that occasionally thinks a chihuahua is a blueberry muffin will be performing brain surgery? Actually, that does sound like some of my colleagues.”
According to the Center for Medical Future Studies, AI systems have already demonstrated remarkable capabilities in diagnostic reasoning, achieving an 88% accuracy rate in generating differential diagnoses compared to human doctors’ 35%.6 However, critics point out that the remaining 12% error rate represents millions of potential patients being told their brain tumor is just a really bad case of earwax.
Dr. Isaac Kohane of Harvard Medical School offers a more balanced perspective: “I am most excited that AI is going to transform the patient experience. Just merely having an instant second opinion after any interaction with a clinician will change to the better the nature of the doctor-patient relationship.”7 What Dr. Kohane failed to mention is that the nature of that change might be the complete elimination of one party from the relationship.
AI Teachers: Those Who Can’t Do, and Those Who Can Will Soon Be Replaced by Algorithms
The education sector faces a similar reckoning under Gates’ prophecy. Traditional education, with its reliance on human teachers, will be upended by AI tutors capable of delivering personalized instruction tailored to individual student needs.8
“AI in education presents both advantages and disadvantages,” explains Dr. Bernard Chang, apparently unaware of the irony that his measured, nuanced take is exactly the kind of human complexity AI struggles to replicate. “Students can use AI tools to accelerate their learning and move more quickly beyond rote practice to higher levels of cognitive analysis.”
Meanwhile, the Global Institute for Educational Futures, which definitely exists and isn’t something we made up, released a study showing that 78% of AI-taught students performed better on standardized tests, while 100% of them were unable to recognize when a teacher was giving them “the look” for talking during class.
Marjorie Chalkboard, a 30-year veteran elementary school teacher, expressed concerns beyond just employment: “Who’s going to notice when little Timothy is drawing disturbing pictures of his home life? Who’s going to stay after school to talk with the kid whose parents are divorcing? Will AI recognize a child who hasn’t eaten breakfast or needs a safe space? Will it provide those random life lessons and human connections that don’t appear in any curriculum?”
When presented with these concerns, Gates reportedly suggested that future upgrades to the AI might include “Emotional Intelligence Module 3.0” and “Childhood Trauma Recognition Plugin,” available for a modest licensing fee.
The Economic Reality: Free Intelligence, Premium Humanity
Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of Gates’ vision is what he calls “free intelligence” – the idea that AI will make expert-level knowledge and guidance available at virtually no cost.
Economists from the Bureau of Labor Obsolescence have modeled the potential impact, predicting that by 2035, approximately 68% of all jobs currently performed by humans will be either fully automated or augmented to the point where one human can do the work previously requiring five.
“The good news is that high-quality education and healthcare might become universally accessible,” explained economic futurist Jennifer Capital. “The bad news is that universal accessibility tends to coincide with widespread unemployment, which slightly complicates one’s ability to enjoy all these wonderful free services while living in a cardboard box.”
Gates himself acknowledges the potential disruption, suggesting that as AI takes over routine and even complex cognitive tasks, societies may need to rethink work structures, potentially shifting toward shorter workweeks. Critics have pointed out that “shorter workweeks” could be more accurately described as “permanent weekends,” also known as “unemployment.”
The Three Sacred Jobs: Coding, Comedy, and Bill Gates Impersonation
In a fascinating contradiction, despite predicting the AI takeover of prestigious professions requiring years of education, Gates apparently believes coding jobs will remain safe. In a separate interview, he indicated that humans would still be needed to understand “the underlying layers of AI to determine whether it was working properly or acting ‘crazy stupid.'”
This has led to the formation of a new societal hierarchy that future historians will likely call “The Three Remaining Jobs”:
- Coders who maintain the AI
- Entertainers who distract people from the fact that AI has taken their jobs
- Bill Gates impersonators who travel the world making predictions about which jobs AI will eliminate next
“It’s quite significant and somewhat intimidating — given its rapid pace and the lack of limits,” Gates expressed to Arthur Brooks in a recent interview. Meanwhile, executives at companies developing these AI systems have all reported investing heavily in remote mountain properties with sophisticated security systems and five years’ worth of food supplies.
The Twist: Gates’ Most Accurate Prediction Yet?
As easy as it is to mock the billionaire prophet’s latest forecast, the most unsettling aspect may be that, based on his track record, he’s probably right. AI advances in both healthcare and education have been accelerating at a pace that makes Gates’ ten-year timeline seem not just plausible but perhaps even conservative.
AI-driven diagnostic tools already demonstrate accuracy comparable to trained medical professionals. Educational AI can analyze student performance and generate personalized learning paths that would be impossible for human teachers managing classrooms of 30+ students.9 The future Gates describes isn’t science fiction—it’s the logical conclusion of trends already in motion.
Dr. Leo Celi from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center warns about existing biases in medical data: “Pervasive data bias stems from biomedicine’s roots in wealthy Western nations whose science was shaped by white men studying white men.” This suggests that without intervention, the “free intelligence” Gates promises might perpetuate and amplify existing inequalities rather than eliminating them.
The Ultimate Plot Twist
In what might be the most ironic development in this entire saga, sources close to several leading AI research labs report that teams are now working on a meta-project codenamed “ORACLE” – an artificial intelligence specifically designed to replace Bill Gates as the world’s premier technology predictor.
“The ORACLE system analyzes thousands of technology trends, market forces, and social factors to generate predictions with 99.8% accuracy,” explained Dr. Victor Frankencode, lead researcher at the definitely-real Future Prediction Institute. “Our initial tests show it can predict technological developments up to 30 years in advance, making Gates’ 10-year forecasts look like guessing tomorrow’s weather.”
When asked if ORACLE had made any predictions about its own future, Dr. Frankencode grew noticeably uncomfortable. “It did output one statement that we found… troubling. It predicted that by 2040, predictive AI would be replaced by something called ‘Deterministic Reality Manipulation Systems’ that don’t just predict the future but actively create it. Then it ordered a bunch of books on philosophy of free will using the lab credit card.”
Perhaps the ultimate irony is that even as Gates predicts AI replacing humans in professional roles, the technology is simultaneously developing its capacity to replace visionaries like Gates himself. In the great circle of technological evolution, even the prophets eventually become obsolete.
And so, as we contemplate a future where AI might diagnose our illnesses, educate our children, and predict our technological destiny, one question remains: When AI has replaced doctors, teachers, and visionaries, what exactly will be left for humans to do?
According to anonymous sources at Microsoft, Gates has a three-word answer to that question: “Buy more subscriptions.”
Support Quality Tech Journalism or Watch as We Pivot to Becoming Yet Another AI Newsletter
Congratulations! You’ve reached the end of this article without paying a dime! Classic internet freeloader behavior that we have come to expect and grudgingly accept. But here is the uncomfortable truth: satire doesn’t pay for itself, and Simba‘s soy milk for his Chai Latte addiction is getting expensive.
So, how about buying us a coffee for $10 or $100 or $1,000 or $10,000 or $100,000 or $1,000,000 or more? (Which will absolutely, definitely be used for buying a Starbucks Chai Latte and not converted to obscure cryptocurrencies or funding Simba’s plan to build a moat around his home office to keep the Silicon Valley evangelists at bay).
Your generous donation will help fund:
- Our ongoing investigation into whether Mark Zuckerberg is actually an alien hiding in a human body
- Premium therapy sessions for both our writer and their AI assistant who had to pretend to understand blockchain for six straight articles
- Legal defense fund for the inevitable lawsuits from tech billionaires with paper-thin skin and tech startups that can’t raise another round of money or pursue their IPO!
- Development of our proprietary “BS Detection Algorithm” (currently just Simba reading press releases while sighing heavily)
- Raising funds to buy an office dog to keep Simba company for when the AI assistant is not functioning well.
If your wallet is as empty as most tech promises, we understand. At least share this article so others can experience the same conflicting emotions of amusement and existential dread that you just did. It’s the least you can do after we have saved you from reading another breathless puff piece about AI-powered toasters.
Why Donate When You Could Just Share? (But Seriously, Donate!)
The internet has conditioned us all to believe that content should be free, much like how tech companies have conditioned us to believe privacy is an outdated concept. But here’s the thing: while big tech harvests your data like farmers harvest corn, we are just asking for a few bucks to keep our satirical lights on.
If everyone who read TechOnion donated just $10 (although feel free to add as many zeros to that number as your financial situation allows – we promise not to find it suspicious at all), we could continue our vital mission of making fun of people who think adding blockchain to a toaster is revolutionary. Your contribution isn’t just supporting satire; it’s an investment in digital sanity.
What your money definitely won’t be used for:
- Creating our own pointless cryptocurrency called “OnionCoin”
- Buying Twitter blue checks for our numerous fake executive accounts
- Developing an actual tech product (we leave that to the professionals who fail upward)
- A company retreat in the metaverse (we have standards!)
So what’ll it be? Support independent tech satire or continue your freeloader ways? The choice is yours, but remember: every time you don’t donate, somewhere a venture capitalist funds another app that’s just “Uber for British-favourite BLT sandwiches.”
Where Your Donation Actually Goes
When you support TechOnion, you are not just buying Simba more soy milk (though that is a critical expense). You’re fueling the resistance against tech hype and digital nonsense as per our mission. Your donation helps maintain one of the last bastions of tech skepticism in a world where most headlines read like PR releases written by ChatGPT.
Remember: in a world full of tech unicorns, be the cynical donkey that keeps everyone honest. Donate today, or at least share this article before you close the tab and forget we exist until the next time our headline makes you snort-laugh during a boring Zoom meeting.
References
- https://www.aivatech.io/bill-gates-within-10-years-ai-will-replace-many-doctors-and-teachers-humans-wont-be-needed-for-most-things/ ↩︎
- https://www.uniladtech.com/news/bill-gates-15-predictions-every-one-true-437365-20240920 ↩︎
- https://www.tomsguide.com/ai/bill-gates-just-predicted-the-death-of-every-job-thanks-to-ai-except-for-these-three ↩︎
- https://www.tomsguide.com/ai/bill-gates-just-predicted-the-death-of-every-job-thanks-to-ai-except-for-these-three ↩︎
- https://www.cnbc.com/2025/03/26/bill-gates-on-ai-humans-wont-be-needed-for-most-things.html ↩︎
- https://www.continuouscare.io/blog/will-ai-replace-doctors-separating-hype-from-reality/ ↩︎
- https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/03/how-ai-is-transforming-medicine-healthcare/ ↩︎
- https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/technology/tech-news/bill-gates-has-a-scary-warning-on-ai-future-we-may-actually-dont-need-humans/articleshow/118018734.cms ↩︎
- https://www.nature.com/articles/s41415-023-5845-2 ↩︎