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Author: Simba the "Tech King"

TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.

The Great Educational Regression: How AI Turned America’s Classrooms Into 1950s Time Capsules

In a stunning victory for analog technology, the humble blue book has emerged as education's unlikely savior against the AI apocalypse The year is 2025,...

Builder AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithms – A Cautionary Tale of Silicon Valley’s Latest Naked Truth

In which we examine how one company's ambitious promises of democratizing artificial intelligence became a masterclass in the ancient art of technological theater The Rise...

The Elon Musk Paradox: When Genius Meets the Immutable Laws of Physics and Public Relations

A Forensic Analysis of Silicon Valley's Most Spectacular Unraveling In the grand tradition of Sherlock Holmes examining a crime scene, one must approach the curious...

Silicon Valley’s Latest Discovery: Africa Has Entrepreneurs Too (And They’re Actually Solving Real Problems)

In a shocking development that has left venture capitalists frantically googling "where is Africa on a map," it has emerged that the continent contains...

The Future We Weren’t Supposed to See: How Huawei MateBook Fold Exposes Apple’s Comfortable Delusion

In the gleaming Apple Cupertino campus, where sunlight bounces off polished glass and aluminum with algorithmic precision, Apple executives gather daily in their sacred...

AI Industry’s Costly Hallucinations: The Truth Behind Why Your Digital Oracle Is Both Expensive And Delusional

In the gleaming corridors of Silicon Valley's AI research centers, a curious phenomenon is unfolding. The artificial intelligence systems that were promised to lead...

Illuminating Connections: How the US-South Africa Diplomatic Crisis Was Actually a Covert Starlink Market Expansion Strategy

The diplomatic spat between the United States and South Africa that captivated international headlines for weeks has finally revealed its true purpose. Behind the...

Google Unveils Jules: Because Nothing Says “Revolutionary Coding AI” Like Being Named After Your Aunt’s Book Club Friend

In a SHOCKING, ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING, SHOCKING PRO MAX move that absolutely no one saw coming, Google has launched yet another AI coding assistant, bringing...

Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker

In a dazzling display of corporate bravado that could only be described as "Steve Jobs, but make it confusing," Google held its annual Google...

Vibe Coding Check Failed: Why AI Coding Tools are F1 Cars Being Handed to Toddlers with Learner’s Permits

In a San Francisco co-working space that smells of kombucha and unfulfilled promises, a 22-year-old former philosophy major is excitedly telling his friends about...

AI’s Emotional Intelligence Breakthrough: Klarna Discovers Humans Had It All Along!

In what tech industry analysts are calling the "most expensive 'no sh*t, Sherlock' moment in fintech history," Swedish buy-now-pay-later giant Klarna has made the...

The Big Short Rib: How Klarna Turns Your Midnight Pizza Order into Wall Street’s Hottest Asset Class

In what financial historians will surely record as late-stage capitalisms' magnum opus, your regrettable 1 AM pepperoni pizza Dominos order can now be financed...

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