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Author: Simba the "Tech King"

TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.

The Great Mobile Uprising: How the Android Peasant Revolution Finally Declared War on the Apple Aristocracy

In what self-appointed tech historians are already calling the most predictable conflict since the invention of comment sections, the long-simmering tensions between Android users...

The Great OS Wars: How Windows Peasants and Mac Aristocrats Destroyed Civilization While Chrome Laughed in the Background

In what military historians are calling "the most passive-aggressive conflict since the invention of office politics," the decades-long rivalry between Microsoft Windows and Apple's...

Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen

The Great Schism of 2025: A Shakespearean Tragedy in 280 Characters In the grand theater of American power, where political ambition meets algorithm and an...

The Great X-odus: How Elon Musk’s Everything App Became Everything Wrong

A forensic analysis of the platform formerly known as Twitter's descent into digital chaos The Case of the Missing Blue Bird In what may be the...

Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion

In which we examine how advertising transformed the web from humanity's greatest library into humanity's most sophisticated slot machine The internet was supposed to be...

Nigeria’s Flash Flood Crisis: How a Tech-Savvy Nation Forgot to Apply Technology to Saving Lives!

In which we examine the curious case of a country that can monitor oil pipelines with drones but apparently cannot predict when rivers might...

Apple’s Genius Tariff Solution: Why Assemble Your Own iPhone When You Can Pay More for the Privilege?

It was the best of times for Apple shareholders, it was the worst of times for anyone who thought they understood how capitalism was...

AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithm – Why Silicon Valley’s Silver Bullet is Actually a Rusty BB Gun

In the gleaming conference rooms of Silicon Valley, where venture capitalists gather like digital evangelists clutching their kombucha and quarterly projections, a curious form...

Singapore’s AI-Proof Education Revolution: While the West Debates Pronouns, Asia Builds the Future

In a world where artificial intelligence threatens to turn half the human workforce into digital dinosaurs faster than you can say "prompt engineering," Singapore...

The AI Button Revolution: How Silicon Valley Finally Solved the Problem of Having Too Many Fingers

The smartphone industry has reached peak innovation. After years of making phones thinner, cameras sharper, and screens more fragile, tech giants have finally identified...

Napoleon’s Digital Blitzkrieg: How Modern Tech Could Have Made Russia Just Another App Download

A TechOnion investigation into the ultimate military disruption that never happened In what tech historians are calling the greatest missed opportunity in Silicon Valley venture...

JFK’s Digital Bodyguard: How Modern Tech Could Have Saved Camelot (And Created the First Presidential Influencer)

A TechOnion investigation into the counterfactual cybersecurity failures of 1963 In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through both the historical and venture capital...

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