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Author: Simba the "Tech King"

TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.

The Return of “The”: Zuckerberg’s Groundbreaking Journey Back to Definite Articles

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but an artfully placed definite article might save my company's relevance," mused an ancient philosopher who definitely...

The Last Corporate Zombie Standing: LinkedIn’s Heroic Quest to Make Mundanity Seem Professional

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play," said philosopher Arnold Toynbee, apparently unaware that LinkedIn would one day create...

Bird’s The Word Again: Musk Performs Most Expensive Corporate U-Turn in History

"Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall," warns the Book of Proverbs, words that Elon Musk apparently discovered after spending...

The Great Toilet Revolution: How Prompt Engineers Became History’s First True Mobile Workers

"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do," remarked Oscar Wilde over a century ago, blissfully unaware that one day...

The $200 AI Exclusive Club: Inside the Desperate World of Premium Prompt Payers

Aristotle once pondered, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." But when it comes to ChatGPT's $200 subscription tier, one must...

The $65,536 Nvidia Handbag: When GPUs Become Haute Couture and Export Controls Become Fashion Statements

"Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life," legendary designer Bill Cunningham once said. But in 2025, it appears that armor...

ThoughtMouse™: Neuralink’s Latest Update Lets Your Brain Share a Timeshare with AI

"The mind is a terrible thing to waste," the United Negro College Fund once famously declared. But as of March 2025, thanks to Neuralink's...

Who Moved My Prompt?: A Guide to AI Copyright Neurosis in 2025

"In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves perfectly equipped to deal with a world that no...

The AI Arms Race: Where Copyrights Are the New Nuclear Codes

In a desperate bid to avoid being left in China's digital dust, OpenAI has declared that the AI race will end in a mushroom...

The AI Revolution Will Be Automated: A Workforce’s Guide to Redundancy

"The revolution will not be televised," proclaimed Gil Scott-Heron in his seminal 1970 poem. Half a century later, the revolution won't need television—because it...

The Reality Distortion Field’s Fatal Glitch: How X Marks the Spot Where Elon’s Luck Ran Out

In a secure underground bunker beneath an undisclosed location (probably Texas), a team of engineers works frantically to repair what might be the most...

The Great AI Upsell: Sam Altman’s Masterclass in Selling Nothing As Something

In a secret underground bunker beneath Silicon Valley, Sam Altman stands before a mirror practicing his keynote expressions. "Humble yet visionary," he whispers, tilting...

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