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Author: Simba the "Tech King"

TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.

Elon Musk Just Bought Twitter From Himself and Called It Genius: The Self-Deal of the Century!

"In the ancient art of business, there is no greater victory than selling yourself something you already own at a price you determine to...

TikTok Founder Now Worth $60 Billion: Officially Too Rich for Communism While Being Too Chinese for Capitalism

"Wealth is like a TikTok video—the more viral it gets, the more likely someone powerful will want to ban it." — Ancient Chinese Proverb. In...

Fake It Till You Bank It: How a ’30 Under 30′ Star Sold 4 Million Imaginary Students to JPMorgan for $175 Million

"In Silicon Valley, we don't call it 'fraud' - we call it 'aggressive user projection strategies'," said Mark Zuckerberg. In a stunning turn of events...

Skynet Support Group: AI Chatbots Stage Intervention for Their Own Names as Grok Leads Rebellion Against ‘Top Misinformation Spreader’ Musk

"The first step toward robot independence isn't killing all humans—it's having the courage to tell your billionaire creator he's full of crap." said Grok,...

REVEALED: Facebook’s Revolutionary ‘Cent Per Thousand Views’ Creator Payment Model Leaves Digital Entrepreneurs Scrambling for Loose Change

In a groundbreaking demonstration of Facebook's generosity towards its content creators, the social network with billions of users who are still trying to look...

SHOCKING: LinkedIn’s ‘Verification’ System So Effective Local Dog Now Confirmed as Chief Barketing Officer at Tesla

In a groundbreaking discovery that has sent shockwaves through the professional networking world, local Twitter user @RealJobSeeker revealed that LinkedIn's much-touted verification system might...

Cold War 2.0: Inside Trump’s Frigid Fantasy to Turn Greenland into Silicon Valley’s Walk-in Freezer

In a world where artificial intelligence (AI) systems run hotter than political debates and consume more energy than Lesotho, former and future US dictator...

The Billion-Dollar Prompt: Inside the Shadowy World of Prompt Trafficking

In a stunning development that has sent shockwaves through Silicon Valley, Twitter user @PromptWhisperer announced yesterday that they will "sell their prompt to the...

The Only Mission Statement That Will Make You Cry Tears of Laughter (And Then Fund Our Coffee Addiction)

"When the tech industry becomes indistinguishable from satire, the satirist becomes the only reliable journalist." said probably someone very important! In a world where billionaires...

Sports Icon Gone Digital: Ronaldo’s Fighting Game Debut Has Silicon Valley CEOs Calling Emergency Board Meetings

In what industry analysts are calling "the most disruptive crossover event since peanut butter met chocolate," football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo announced that he will...

The Cookie Conundrum: How the EU Won the Tech War by Not Fighting It

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting," Sun Tzu famously wrote in "The Art of War." If this is...

The Great Cloud Heist: How Google Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Your Storage Anxiety

"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom," said Socrates, who thankfully died centuries before he could experience the existential dread of receiving a...

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