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Author: Simba the "Tech King"

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TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.
https://techonion.org

BREAKING: Lonely People Discover AI Chatbots like ChatGPT; Scientists Discover Water Is Wet

Tech
In what may be the least surprising scientific discovery since researchers confirmed that bears do indeed defecate in wooded areas, OpenAI and MIT scientists...

EXCLUSIVE: Tech’s Messiest Divorce: Sam Altman Publicly Hates Elon Musk But Can’t Stop Using His Ex’s App to Brag

Tech
"I wish we could just build the better product," sighs Sam Altman from his X (formerly Twitter) app, while drafting his 17th tweet of...

REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money

Gaming
"In capitalism, man exploits man. In socialism, it's just the opposite." - Czech Proverb. In what economic experts are calling "the most inefficient path to...

SHOCKING: This Entrepreneur Made Millions By Getting People Addicted to Phones, Then Charging Them to Quit – The Digital Drug Dealer Business Model

Internet
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing you to download his app." - Ancient tech proverb, probably! In a world where 43.2% of...

PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet

Gaming
In the beginning, there was darkness. And then Sony said, "Let there be vibration in thy game controller," and lo, there was FIFA 98,...

REVEALED: Beer Giant Heineken Now Selling Digital Sobriety While Tech Companies Panic – “The Boring Revolution” Makes $1.2 Billion By Helping You NOT Use...

Internet
In a twist that would make Alanis Morissette rewrite her definition of irony, humans have reached a new technological milestone: we're now downloading apps...

REVEALED: The Only Dark Web Survival Guide You’ll Ever Need (Because You Might Not Come Back to Read Another)

Internet
Have you ever wondered if Google has been hiding the good stuff from you all these years? Like that one friend who keeps the...

SHOCKING: How Streaming Giants Performed The Ultimate Heist – Turning Internet Pirates Into Paying Customers While Actually Stealing Your Music Collection

Tech
In a world where owning nothing is the new everything, let us pause to remember a time when digital rebellion wasn't a monthly subscription...

EXPOSED: The Great VPN Conspiracy – How Tech Companies Convinced Suburban Office Workers They Need Protection From North Korean Hackers

Tech
Have you ever wondered why you're paying $12.99 a month to route your cat video searches through a server in Romania? Or why that...

RENT-OCALYPSE NOW: Airbnb Solves Housing Crisis By Ensuring No One Can Actually Live Anywhere – A Revolution in Making Homelessness Profitable

Business
Have you ever dreamed of paying $300 a night to sleep in someone else's bed while simultaneously making it impossible for actual humans to...

The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!

Gaming
In what economists are calling "the most economically irrational event since Bitcoin was used to buy pizza," GameStop ($GME) stock has emerged as the...

EXCLUSIVE: “iPhone Has a Soul, Google Pixel Has a Spreadsheet” – How Apple Convinced Us Their Phone Contains 3 Grams of Actual Human Spirit...

Tech
In a world where rectangles of glass and aluminum compete for our attention and wallets, have you ever wondered why some tech products make...
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