EXPOSED: Wall Street Exec Confesses – ‘Meme Coins Are Just Penny Stocks For People Who Think They’re Too Smart For Penny Stocks’

In a world where putting a dog’s face on a digital token can create billions in market value overnight, financial experts have made a groundbreaking discovery: the revolutionary “meme coin” phenomenon sweeping cryptocurrency markets is actually just penny stocks wearing a Doge costume and saying “much wow.”

“What we’ve managed to do is brilliant,” confesses Marcus Belfort, a former penny stock broker turned crypto entrepreneur, during what he thought was an off-record conversation at a Miami yacht party. “We’ve repackaged the exact same pump-and-dump schemes we ran in the ’90s, but now they’re ‘community-driven’ and ‘democratizing finance.’ Plus, nobody goes to jail anymore because regulators can’t figure out what the hell is happening.”

According to a report from CoinGecko, approximately 5.3 million meme coins were launched on just one platform between January 2024 and January 2025—that’s 15,229 new “investment opportunities” created daily. For comparison, this is roughly equivalent to the population of Singapore deciding that they should each create their own currency, all while claiming they’re revolutionizing global finance rather than just trying to get rich quick.

This mind-boggling proliferation perfectly illustrates the first law of meme coin dynamics: the easier something is to create, the more desperately people will convince themselves it has value.

Meet the New Scam, Same as the Old Scam

Meme coins, for the blissfully uninitiated, are cryptocurrencies inspired by internet jokes, pop culture references, and absolutely anything that might go viral for fifteen minutes. They operate on what economists call the “Greater Fool Theory“—the idea that you can profit from buying overvalued assets if you can later sell them to a greater fool than yourself.

“The fundamental similarity between penny stocks and meme coins is undeniable,” explains Dr. Eleanor Fintel, who has studied both markets extensively. “Both feature low entry prices, extreme volatility, opacity regarding their actual value, and the potential for explosive returns—or more commonly, catastrophic losses.”

The comparison runs deeper than mere market dynamics. Both operate on near-identical psychological principles: Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), the thrill of gambling disguised as investment, and the comforting delusion that you’re smarter than the system.

Veteran stock trader Howard Pennyworth recalls the parallels with a nostalgic smile: “In the ’90s, I’d cold-call dentists in Minnesota to sell them shares in a nonexistent gold mine in Zimbabwe. Today, those same dentists are FOMOing into $Trump1 coin because they saw it trending on Twitter. Progress!”

The Democratization of Financial Disaster

Perhaps the most remarkable achievement of the meme coin revolution is how it has democratized the ability to create and execute financial scams. While traditional pump-and-dump schemes required at least some infrastructure—a boiler room, phone lines, or a basic grasp of securities law to skirt—meme coins can be created by literally anyone in minutes.

“We’ve made it so goddamn easy,” boasts Tyler Clickenstein, creator of a meme coin generator website that has facilitated over 350,000 token launches. “You don’t need to know how to code, you don’t need to understand blockchain—you just need a wallet with some crypto, a jpeg of a cartoon animal, and the pathological self-confidence of a mediocre white man on LinkedIn.”

The process typically involves:

  1. Choosing a trendy meme
  2. Creating a token on an existing blockchain
  3. Making outlandish claims about its future value
  4. Recruiting “crypto influencers” to promote it
  5. Selling your holdings once enough victims have bought in

“It’s beautiful, really,” Clickenstein continues. “In the past, only Wall Street insiders could create elaborate financial schemes to separate people from their money. Now anyone with a Binance account and a dream can do it. That’s what I call progress!”

The “Community” Delusion

The most ingenious innovation of meme coins might be their masterful rebranding of “investors” as “community members.” This linguistic sleight-of-hand transforms what would otherwise be recognized as gambling into something that feels like joining a social movement.

“When I bought SHIB, I wasn’t just investing—I became part of something bigger than myself,” explains Travis Hodler, a 27-year-old who has lost approximately 94% of his life savings on various dog-themed tokens. “Sure, my portfolio is down 94%, but the memes in our Discord are fire, and Elon might tweet about us any day now – although his commitments to DOGE and making America Great Again might be keeping him distracted from helping the financial revolution that is happening!”

The International Institute for Community Studies estimates that 87% of meme coin “communities” follow the same lifecycle:

  1. Formation Phase: Enthusiastic discussions about changing the world and “building something that lasts”
  2. Expansion Phase: Aggressive recruitment and evangelism to “spread the word” (i.e., find new buyers)
  3. HODL Phase: Increasingly desperate pleas not to sell as early investors begin taking profits
  4. Exit Phase: Discord servers filled with tumbleweeds and accusations as the price crashes 99%
  5. Delusion Phase: Remaining believers convince themselves that the project is “just getting started”

“The community aspect is genius,” observes cultural anthropologist Dr. Sarah Memeston. “It creates a social cost to selling. If you exit your position, you’re not just making a financial decision—you’re betraying your fellow hodlers. It’s like if Amway and QAnon had a baby and the baby was really into cartoon dogs wearing sunglasses.”

The Celebrity Endorsement Cycle

No discussion of meme coins would be complete without acknowledging the critical role of celebrity endorsements in pumping prices. From Elon Musk’s Dogecoin tweeting spree to influencers promoting coins they were secretly paid to endorse, famous people have discovered they can move markets with minimal effort and even less accountability.

“I literally don’t know what any of these things are,” confesses one A-list actor who requested anonymity. “My manager tells me to tweet about some cartoon frog money, I get paid $250,000, and somewhere in Ohio a warehouse worker loses his retirement savings. Hollywood is weird, man.”

A comprehensive study by the Cryptocurrency Psychology Institute found that 79% of retail investors who purchased meme coins following celebrity endorsements lost money, with an average loss of 72% of their initial investment. Meanwhile, 94% of the celebrities who promoted these coins sold their holdings within 48 hours of their public endorsement.

“It’s quite remarkable how we’ve created a system where the rich and famous can now directly extract wealth from their fans without the traditional middlemen of concert tickets or movie studios,” notes economist Dr. Jonathan Capital. “It’s disintermediation in its purest form—celebrities can now separate their fans from their money with just a tweet.”

The Evolution: Self-Aware Scams

The most fascinating development in the meme coin space may be the emergence of self-aware scams—tokens that openly admit they’re worthless yet still attract significant investment.

“We’ve reached peak meta with coins like $SCAM2 and $WORTHLESS3,” explains crypto analyst Maya Blockhead. “These projects literally tell investors they have no value, no utility, and no purpose other than speculation—and people still buy them! It’s like if Bernie Madoff had just named his fund ‘This Is A Ponzi Scheme, LLC’ and people lined up to invest anyway.”

This trend reached its logical conclusion with the launch of $RUGPULL4, a token whose whitepaper consisted of a single sentence: “We will take your money and disappear.” It raised $4.7 million in 48 hours.

“There’s something beautiful about the honesty,” muses philosophical economist Dr. Satoshi Nakamatsu. “When the scam is obvious and people invest anyway, it transcends fraud and becomes performance art. It’s like if Marcel Duchamp had been really into financial crimes.”

The True Innovation: Meme Finance

Despite all the criticisms, meme coins have achieved something remarkable: they’ve created a perfect mirror reflecting the absurdity of our existing financial system.

“Traditional finance pretends to be serious while being fundamentally ridiculous,” explains reformed Wall Street trader Stephanie Goldman. “Meme coins are ridiculous while occasionally making serious points about the nature of value and community. Is a meme coin with no utility really any more absurd than a negative-yielding government bond or a SPAC with no defined acquisition target?”

Indeed, the comparison between penny stocks and meme coins reveals not just their similarities but also how our perception of financial risk has evolved.

“In the ’90s, selling penny stocks required elaborate lies about nonexistent companies,” notes regulatory historian Dr. Marcus Wolf. “Today, you can create a coin called ‘ANGRYCOW’ with a cartoon mascot, openly admit it does nothing, and still raise millions. The only real innovation is the honesty about the lack of substance.”

This transparency might actually represent progress. When $TRUMP coin launched in January 2025, a research paper published in February analyzed its early trading data and found “a small number of large investors captured most profits, while retail traders faced steep losses.” This is exactly what happens in traditional markets, but the blockchain made it impossible to hide.

The Unexpected Twist: Maybe That’s the Point?

Here’s the truly mind-bending possibility: what if meme coins aren’t a bug in the system but a feature? What if they’re not a perversion of finance but its purest expression?

Financial markets have always been driven by stories, narratives, and collective beliefs rather than pure economic fundamentals. The stock market runs on vibes as much as value. Meme coins simply strip away the pretense and admit what traditional finance tries to hide—that value is largely a social construction, that markets are moved by stories and emotions, and that financial instruments are essentially memes we all agree to believe in.

“The U.S. dollar is just a meme coin that’s been running for a really long time,” observes financial philosopher Riley Existential. “It works because we all agree it works. Is that really so different from Dogecoin? At least Dogecoin has a cute dog on it.”

Perhaps that’s the ultimate joke—not that meme coins are a silly version of serious finance, but that they’re an honest version of silly finance. In a world where major banks create complex derivatives of derivatives, where corporations perform accounting magic to create profits out of thin air, and where the global economy can be tanked by mortgage-backed securities nobody understood, is a cartoon dog coin really the problem?

As we wade through the swamp of cynical financial innovation, maybe meme coins aren’t the alligators we should be worried about. Maybe they’re just the only alligators honest enough to smile and show their teeth before they bite.

DONATE NOW: Help TechOnion Create Its Own Satirical Meme Coin! For just the cost of a cup of coffee (or 0.00003 Bitcoin), you can support our efforts to launch $ONION Coin – the world’s first cryptocurrency backed by nothing but existential dread and jokes about billionaires. Unlike other meme coins that pretend to have utility before rugging you, we promise upfront that $ONION has absolutely no value except making you laugh as your investment evaporates. Our whitepaper will consist entirely of punchlines, and our roadmap is just a picture of a clown car driving off a cliff. Invest now before we inevitably exit scam!

References

  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/$Trump ↩︎
  2. https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/scam/ ↩︎
  3. https://coinmarketcap.com/dexscan/solana/2uPFzZZm2UMu9SHBwDJyjFiAurmA7TafwbBmGbPpxTPb/ ↩︎
  4. https://coinmarketcap.com/dexscan/solana/6qT5XoDWKQ9xQ6DCDMV9G26shWesvqh3TmtstEWR6K6T/ ↩︎

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