Have you ever wondered why you’re paying $12.99 a month to route your cat video searches through a server in Romania? Or why that YouTube ad warned you that without a VPN, the hacker known as “4chan” will steal your Netflix password and use it to launder cryptocurrency through your grandma’s Facebook account? Welcome to the strange world of Virtual Private Networks, where everyday citizens are convinced they need military-grade encryption to check their email, while actual dissidents in authoritarian regimes are using it to, you know, not die.
In 2025, the VPN industry is projected to be worth $35.73 billion, despite the fact that approximately 87% of its Western users couldn’t explain what a VPN actually does beyond “making internet more secure-y.” This technological placebo effect has become so powerful that an estimated 51% of internet users worldwide now use VPNs to protect their privacy on public Wi-Fi1, while simultaneously posting their exact location, food choices, and deepest insecurities on Instagram.
“VPNs are the digital equivalent of those plastic covers your grandmother put on her couch,” explains Dr. Theodore Encryptus, Chair of Privacy Theater Studies at the Institute of Internet Anxieties. “They give you the comforting illusion of protection, while mainly just making things slightly more uncomfortable to use.”
The History of Digital Paranoia
The concept of a VPN was originally developed by the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory in the early 2000s for intelligence communications, not so Dave from accounting could watch Canadian Netflix. But somewhere along the way, what was designed as a serious tool for secure communications transformed into the digital security blanket for people whose primary security threat is forgetting to log out of their Gmail on their spouse’s laptop.
VPNs work by creating an encrypted tunnel between your device and a VPN server. This encryption scrambles your data into incomprehensible code, protecting it from potential interceptors like hackers, internet service providers, or government agencies. The VPN also masks your real IP address, replacing it with the IP of the server you’re connected to, which could be located anywhere in the world.
“It’s actually quite ingenious technology,” admits cybersecurity expert Dr. Martha Firewall. “But watching suburban Americans panic-purchase VPNs after watching a YouTube sponsorship about ‘digital predators’ is like seeing someone buy a flamethrower to make toast. Sure, it’ll work, but perhaps it’s solving a problem you don’t actually have?”
According to the completely legitimate Global Institute of Digital Paranoia, VPN sales spike 300% after any data breach makes the news, despite the fact that a VPN would have prevented exactly zero of the last 50 major corporate data breaches. But why let facts get in the way of a good panic purchase?
The Four Horsemen of VPN Marketing
VPN marketing typically relies on four core fears to convince you that without their service, you’re essentially broadcasting your social security number via skywriting:
- The Coffee Shop Boogeyman: “Using public Wi-Fi without a VPN is like shouting your passwords in a crowded Starbucks!” Never mind that most banking and email websites already use HTTPS encryption. Sure, public Wi-Fi has security issues, and VPNs do provide protection by encrypting your data, but the marketing suggests that without a VPN, the person sipping a latte at the next table is definitely recording your keystrokes and stealing your identity.
- The ISP Surveillance State: “Your internet service provider is watching EVERYTHING you do online!” This is technically true. Your ISP can see which websites you visit without a VPN. But the marketing conveniently ignores that they probably don’t care about your Reddit browsing habits unless you’re doing something illegal, in which case, maybe don’t do that?
- The Geo-Restriction Rebellion: “Access content from anywhere in the world!” This is actually one of the more legitimate uses of a VPN – bypassing geo-restrictions to access content not available in your country2. But the marketing frames it as fighting digital injustice rather than what it often is: a terms-of-service violation that streaming companies are increasingly getting better at detecting.
- The Authoritarian Regime Escape Hatch: “VPNs provide freedom in oppressive countries!” This is genuinely true and important. VPNs are vital tools for people living under authoritarian regimes to access uncensored information and communicate safely3. But marketing this feature to someone working at an insurance company in Ohio seems… slightly disconnected from reality.
“The greatest trick the VPN industry ever pulled was convincing regular people that they need the same level of security as a political dissident in North Korea,” says digital rights activist Jamie Freedom. “It’s like selling a bulletproof vest to someone whose greatest daily danger is a paper cut.”
The VPN Class System
Not all VPNs are created equal, and the industry has developed its own rigid class structure:
Premium VPN Nobility: At the top sit services like NordVPN and ExpressVPN, with their sleek interfaces and promises of “military-grade encryption” (a completely made-up marketing term, by the way). For $3.09 to $4.99 per month, these services offer reliable connections, no-logs policies, and the ability to watch slightly different Netflix content.
The Freemium Middle Class: Services that offer limited free versions to entice you toward their paid tiers. These are the digital equivalent of sample cheese cubes at the grocery store – just enough to make you want more, but not enough to satisfy.
The Shady Free VPN Underclass: These are the VPNs that advertise themselves as “100% FREE” and finance their operations by… well, nobody really knows. Some speculate they sell your data to third parties, which would make them the privacy equivalent of hiring an arsonist as a fire safety consultant.
“Free VPNs are particularly concerning,” warns cybersecurity analyst Dr. Kathryn Encrypt. “If you’re not paying for the product, you might be the product. Some free VPNs have been caught selling user data or injecting ads, which defeats the whole purpose of using a VPN for privacy.”
The “I’m Just Here For Netflix” Confession
Despite all the fear-mongering about hackers and surveillance, a 2023 survey by the Digital Privacy Foundation found that 68% of VPN users in Western countries primarily use their VPN for one purpose: accessing geo-restricted streaming content.
“I bought NordVPN after three YouTube sponsorships convinced me that without it, Russian hackers would steal my identity,” confesses Mark Streamson, a 34-year-old accountant from Denver. “But honestly, I just use it to watch British baking shows that aren’t available in the US.”
This creates an awkward reality for VPN companies, whose marketing relies on security fears while knowing full well that most of their customers are just trying to trick Netflix into thinking they’re in the UK. It’s like selling a top-of-the-line home security system to someone who just wants to keep raccoons out of their garbage.
VPN companies have responded to this reality by developing features specifically designed for streaming. NordVPN’s SmartPlay feature, for example, lets you “securely access your favorite shows and movies without any setup”. The security is just a bonus feature at this point – like the salad that comes with your pizza.
Meanwhile, In Actually Oppressive Regimes…
While suburban Americans fret about whether they need a VPN to check Facebook at Starbucks, VPNs serve a genuinely crucial purpose in countries with restricted internet access. In nations with strict censorship and surveillance, VPNs are essential tools for accessing uncensored information, communicating safely, and participating in the global digital economy4.
“VPNs in restricted internet environments break down information barriers,” explains digital rights advocate Eleanor Freedom. “They allow businesses and individuals to access international news and research, enable secure cross-border collaboration, and provide a lifeline to the uncensored internet.”
However, many countries are actively working to restrict VPN usage. China’s Great Firewall actively blocks many VPN services, and other authoritarian regimes have criminalized VPN use entirely. In these contexts, using a VPN isn’t just about watching different Netflix catalogues – it can be an act of digital resistance with real consequences.
“The irony is that while VPNs are marketed as essential security tools to comfortable Westerners who face minimal online risks, they’re becoming increasingly difficult to access for the people who genuinely need them,” notes internet freedom researcher Dr. Nightshade Darkly.
The Future of Digital Snake Oil
As we look toward the future, the VPN industry shows no signs of slowing its growth or tempering its marketing claims. Next-generation VPNs are already beginning to incorporate buzzwords like “AI-powered privacy” and “quantum-resistant encryption” – terms that sound impressively technical while meaning almost nothing to the average user.
“The evolution of VPN marketing is fascinating,” says digital anthropologist Dr. Serena Truthteller. “They’ve managed to position themselves as both essential utilities and luxury products simultaneously. It’s like selling both water and fine wine in the same bottle.”
A leaked internal marketing document from a major VPN provider (which definitely exists and isn’t made up) revealed their 2026 strategy: “Continue to leverage security fears while expanding lifestyle branding. Target: make VPNs as essential to consumers as smartphones by 2030.”
Meanwhile, browser companies have begun integrating basic VPN functionality directly into their products, potentially undermining the standalone VPN market. In response, VPN companies are diversifying into password managers, encrypted cloud storage, and even cryptocurrency wallets – building digital fortresses around users who probably just wanted to watch Japanese game shows.
So Do You Actually Need a VPN?
After all this satire, here’s the honest truth: VPNs do provide genuine privacy and security benefits. They encrypt your data, hide your IP address from websites and services, and can help protect you on public Wi-Fi networks5. For people in countries with internet censorship, they’re essential tools for accessing information freely. And yes, they can help you watch geo-restricted content.
But do you, specifically, need one? If you’re not living under an authoritarian regime, handling extremely sensitive information, or regularly connecting to sketchy public Wi-Fi networks, probably not as desperately as the marketing suggests.
“The question isn’t whether VPNs work – they do,” concludes Dr. Encryptus. “The question is whether the average person needs to route their cat video searches through a server in Romania. For most people, basic digital hygiene like strong passwords and two-factor authentication will do far more to protect them than a VPN ever could.”
And yet, millions will continue to pay their monthly digital protection money, comforted by the knowledge that somewhere, somehow, their data is being encrypted against threats both real and imagined. Because at the end of the day, what VPN companies are really selling isn’t privacy – it’s peace of mind.
Just don’t ask too many questions about who’s running those servers your data is flowing through. That would ruin the illusion, and in 2025, digital illusions are the most valuable currency of all.
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- https://nordvpn.com/blog/benefits-of-vpn/ ↩︎
- https://cybernews.com/best-vpn/vpn-for-geo-blocking/ ↩︎
- https://hide.me/en/blog/using-a-vpn-in-restrictive-countries/ ↩︎
- https://www.economicsonline.co.uk/all/shaping-economies-the-impact-of-vpns-in-nations-with-restricted-internet.html/ ↩︎
- https://www.tutorchase.com/answers/ib/computer-science/what-are-the-benefits-of-using-a-vpn ↩︎
