“In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the kingdom of gaming, the billionaire with hired gamers is apparently top 20 globally.” – A confused Diablo IV player who actually earned their rank.
In what could only be described as the least surprising tech revelation since we discovered Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t actually blink, Elon Musk—CEO of approximately 17 companies, White House advisor, father of a small village of children, and apparently one of the world’s top Diablo IV players—has admitted what gamers have suspected for months: he pays other people to play video games for him while he takes full credit for their achievements.
The revelation came after months of increasingly improbable claims about his gaming prowess, culminating in Musk posting videos of himself clearing high-level Diablo IV dungeons in record time, despite demonstrating all the gaming aptitude of a sea cucumber when actually livestreaming himself playing Path of Exile 2.
The Time-Space Continuum Problem
The controversy began when Musk claimed to be ranked 19th globally in Diablo IV—an achievement that would require dozens, if not hundreds, of hours of grinding—while simultaneously running Tesla, SpaceX, X (formerly Twitter), Neuralink, The Boring Company, xAI, and serving as a senior White House advisor for the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE).1
Gaming community statistician Dr. Kayla Rodriguez from the Institute of Digital Leisure Studies explains: “We’ve calculated that to reach Musk’s claimed Diablo IV rank legitimately would require approximately 400 hours of gameplay. Given Musk’s schedule, he would need 47-hour days for three consecutive months, which violates several laws of physics.”
When confronted about this temporal impossibility, Musk initially insisted that he simply didn’t need sleep, with one of his children’s mothers, Grimes, rushing to his defense by claiming she witnessed him playing for 17 hours straight on Christmas Day 2023.2
However, the façade began to crumble when gamers noticed Musk’s character was logged into Path of Exile 2 during Trump’s inauguration ceremony, where Musk was physically present sitting next to Barron Trump.3
The “100%” Confession
After months of denials and digital posturing, Musk finally admitted to YouTuber NikoWrex that he had, indeed, paid others to boost his accounts in both Diablo IV and Path of Exile 2, responding with a “100%” emoji when asked directly.4
“It’s impossible to beat the players in Asia if you don’t,” Musk explained, revealing gaming’s worst-kept secret with all the nonchalance of someone admitting they occasionally jaywalk.
The admission sent shockwaves through the gaming community, with professional e-sports organizations reporting a 600% increase in applications from gamers hoping to become part of what’s now being called “Musk’s Midnight Army” – the shadowy collective of skilled players allegedly paid $400 an hour to advance Musk’s gaming characters while he sleeps, attends White House meetings, or tweets about whatever crossed his mind at 3 AM.
BillionaireBoost™: The App That Plays While You Profit
Rather than express remorse, Musk has apparently doubled down by announcing a new subscription service called BillionaireBoost™, described as “the world’s first executive gaming proxy service.”
“For just $29,999 per month, high-net-worth individuals can outsource their gaming to professional players while maintaining the illusion they’re skilled gamers,” explains the slick promotional material. “Our proprietary ‘Digital Double’ technology even uses AI to mimic your speech patterns and mannerisms during streams, ensuring no one suspects you’re actually in a board meeting when ‘you’ are setting world records.”
According to inside sources, the service already has a waitlist of 340 Fortune 500 CEOs and at least two Supreme Court justices, all desperate to project an image of gaming mastery without the pesky requirement of developing actual skills.
The company’s pitch deck, leaked to TechOnion by a disillusioned developer, includes testimonials from anonymous executives:
“Before BillionaireBoost, my 12-year-old nephew would destroy me in Fortnite. Now I’m apparently in the top 1% globally, and he finally respects me.” – CEO of [redacted] Bank
“I closed a $2.3 billion deal while ‘my’ character was setting a world record in Call of Duty. My teenage sons think I’m a god.” – Chairman of [redacted] Pharmaceuticals
The Five-Minute Gaming Slot
Industry analysts have connected Musk’s gaming controversy to his famous time management system, which divides his day into five-minute slots.5
“Our investigation reveals Musk has allocated exactly one five-minute slot per day to actual gaming, with the remaining 23 hours and 55 minutes outsourced to his gaming proxies,” explains tech journalist Morgan Chen. “This single five-minute daily session is just enough for him to learn the basic controls before a livestream, though evidently not enough to master them.”
Meanwhile, Musk’s personal gaming setup has expanded beyond his homes to include a large television installed in his government office at the Department of Government Efficiency, specifically for playing video games.6
“Nothing says ‘government efficiency’ quite like a $15,000 gaming rig purchased with taxpayer funds,” noted government watchdog Eleanor Simmons. “Though I suppose if you’re paying others to play for you, the equipment might as well be top-of-the-line.”
Gaming’s Unspoken Caste System
The scandal has exposed what many call “gaming’s uncomfortable class divide,” with different rules apparently applying to billionaires than to regular players.
Both Blizzard (maker of Diablo IV) and Grinding Gear Games (developer of Path of Exile 2) have declined to comment on whether they’ll enforce their terms of service, which explicitly prohibit account boosting.
“If I paid someone to boost my account, I’d be banned within hours,” says professional gamer Alexis Foster. “But when you’re worth $200 billion, the rules become more like gentle suggestions. It’s basically gaming’s version of tax laws.”
The controversy has spawned a new term in gaming communities: “Musking” – defined as “claiming extraordinary skill in an activity that was actually performed by someone you paid.”
According to a survey by the Digital Entertainment Authority, “Musking” has spread beyond gaming, with 42% of LinkedIn influencers now suspected of paying others to write their “thought leadership” posts, 37% of Instagram fitness models hiring body doubles for difficult poses, and 84% of TikTok cooking influencers secretly employing professional chefs off-camera.
The AI Game Studio Plot Thickens
Adding another layer to the controversy, Musk recently announced plans to launch an AI-powered gaming studio through his company xAI, ostensibly to “make games great again” and challenge what he calls ideologically driven content in the industry.
Industry insiders now speculate the studio’s first project will be “ProxyPlayer 2025,” a game where players can experience what it’s like to be paid to play video games for rich people.
“It’s brilliant when you think about it,” says gaming industry analyst Priya Sharma. “He’s creating a game about the very system he exploits. It’s like a snake eating its own tail, if the snake also owned the company that bred it and the restaurant serving it as an entrée.”
The Unexpected Plot Twist
In a development that has left the tech world reeling, a whistleblower from within Musk’s organization has come forward with a truly shocking claim: Elon Musk himself might not be real.
“I’ve worked closely with Mr. Musk for three years,” claims the source, who requested anonymity due to fear of having their blue checkmark revoked. “And I’ve compiled compelling evidence that ‘Elon Musk’ is actually a carefully crafted persona maintained by a rotating cast of actors and AI systems.”
The evidence includes:
- The impossibility of Musk’s schedule, which would require approximately 47 hours of activity per 24-hour day
- His rapidly changing accent depending on the audience
- The fact that he appears to be in multiple locations simultaneously
- The inconsistent gaming skill level between streams
- His ability to operate as CEO of six companies while also advising the White House
“The real Elon Musk hasn’t been seen since 2008,” the whistleblower alleges. “What we’re seeing is ‘Musk-as-a-Service’ – a distributed performance art piece funded by venture capital firms to maintain market confidence.”
While this claim remains unverified, it would explain how someone could simultaneously run multiple companies, father numerous children, advise the White House, maintain an active social media presence, and still find time to become one of the world’s top Diablo IV players – by simply not being a single human bound by the limitations of time and space.
The Final Level Boss: Authenticity
As Musk prepares to launch his AI gaming studio while continuing to serve as a government advisor with a gaming setup in his federal office, the controversy raises deeper questions about authenticity in the digital age.
“When the world’s richest man can’t even be bothered to legitimately earn his gaming achievements, what does that say about how he views his other accomplishments?” asks digital ethicist Dr. Jamal Washington. “If you can pay others to game for you, what else might you be outsourcing while taking full credit?”
For now, Musk continues to insist he’s legitimately skilled at video games, despite evidence to the contrary – though he’s admitted that yes, sometimes he does get a little help from friends.
Meanwhile, gaming tournaments worldwide have instituted a new rule requiring participants to provide DNA samples before competing, with one organizer explaining: “We need to verify you’re not a billionaire in disguise. Or being paid by one.”
Editor’s Note: Shortly after publishing this article, our office received a delivery of 200 Teslas with a note reading “Would a bad gamer send you these?” We’ve returned the vehicles and would like to clarify that our investigative integrity cannot be compromised, though we are open to discussing our stance should SpaceX tickets become available.
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References
- https://gamerant.com/blizzard-grinding-gear-games-comment-elon-musk-diablo-path-of-exile/ ↩︎
- https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/26/technology/elon-musk-video-games-diablo-path-of-exile.html ↩︎
- https://newlinesmag.com/spotlight/elon-musk-wanted-gamers-respect-instead-he-got-a-scandal/ ↩︎
- https://kotaku.com/elon-musk-poe2-diablo-4-paid-boosting-fake-controversy-1851743670 ↩︎
- https://routines.club/routine/elon-musk-daily-routine ↩︎
- https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/elon-musk-video-game-setup-government-efficiency-office-1235295732/ ↩︎
