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TechOnion
TechSatirized
TechOnion
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Home
Tech
Tech
Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen
Tech
Nigeria’s Flash Flood Crisis: How a Tech-Savvy Nation Forgot to Apply Technology to Saving Lives!
Tech
Illuminating Connections: How the US-South Africa Diplomatic Crisis Was Actually a Covert Starlink Market Expansion Strategy
Tech
Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
Tech
Breaking Miracle: Apple Maps Finally Shows Correct Directions, But Only to Apple Stores
AI
AI
AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithm – Why Silicon Valley’s Silver Bullet is Actually a Rusty BB Gun
AI
Singapore’s AI-Proof Education Revolution: While the West Debates Pronouns, Asia Builds the Future
AI
The Great Educational Regression: How AI Turned America’s Classrooms Into 1950s Time Capsules
AI
AI Industry’s Costly Hallucinations: The Truth Behind Why Your Digital Oracle Is Both Expensive And Delusional
AI
Google Unveils Jules: Because Nothing Says “Revolutionary Coding AI” Like Being Named After Your Aunt’s Book Club Friend
Internet
Internet
The Great X-odus: How Elon Musk’s Everything App Became Everything Wrong
Internet
Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion
Internet
Google Announces ‘Premium Search’: Pay $9.99/Month To Finally See The Internet Again
Internet
The Reddit Mind Control Experiment: How Swiss AI Researchers Turned r/changemyview Into Unwitting Guinea Pigs and Proved Bots Are Better Manipulators Than Humans
Internet
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: US Orders Google to Sell Ad Tech, But Will Apply ‘No Chinese Buyers’ Rule
Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency
Crypto Ponzi Picasso: How Sam Lee Built a $1.7 Billion Digital Masterpiece of Fraud in Dubai’s Financial Wild West
Cryptocurrency
Bitcoin’s Existential Crisis: How Satoshi’s Revolutionary Cash System Became the World’s Most Expensive Digital Paperweight
Cryptocurrency
Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions
Cryptocurrency
The $13 Billion NFT Marketplace That Vanished Overnight — OpenSea Executives Now Working at Wendy’s While Your JPEGs Are Literally Worthless
Cryptocurrency
EXCLUSIVE: Blockchain Experts Reveal Industry Will Finally Be Useful By 2026, For The Seventh Year In A Row – ‘This Time We’re Serious!’
Gaming
Gaming
Billionaire Gaming Outsourcing Industry EXPOSED After Assassin’s Creed Murders Elon Musk on His Own Platform — CEOs Now Scrambling to Hide Their ‘Pro Gamer’...
Gaming
REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money
Gaming
PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet
Gaming
The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!
Gaming
EXPOSED: Mobile Gaming Companies Now Breeding “Human Whales” in Secret Facilities, Training Them to Spend $10,000 on Virtual Carrots
Gadgets
Gadgets
The Future We Weren’t Supposed to See: How Huawei MateBook Fold Exposes Apple’s Comfortable Delusion
Gadgets
The Circular Lightning Economy: Apple Partner Unveils iPhone 16 Cases Made From 100% Recycled Lightning Cables Nobody Needed Anymore
Gadgets
Companion 2.0: How Tech Bros Convinced Us All to Pet Drones Instead of Actual Pets
Gadgets
The iFold Cometh: Apple Reinvents the Wheel While Steve Jobs Performs 10,000 RPM in His Titanium Mausoleum
Gadgets
The Upside-Down Revolution: How Apple’s Magic Mouse Charging Port Creates Character While Destroying Productivity
Startups
Startups
Builder AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithms – A Cautionary Tale of Silicon Valley’s Latest Naked Truth
Startups
Silicon Valley’s Latest Discovery: Africa Has Entrepreneurs Too (And They’re Actually Solving Real Problems)
Startups
Vibe Coding Apocalypse: How Y Combinator Turned Silicon Valley Into a Prompt Engineering Circus
Startups
The Unicorn Delusion Revolution: 13 Shocking Billionaire Wisdom Bombs That Will Transform Your Startup Into a Billion-Dollar Hallucination
Startups
BREAKING: A Fintech Company That “Connects Your Bank Account to Apps” Now Worth Only $6.1 Billion Instead of $13.4 Billion, CEO Declares “Tremendous Success”...
Business
Business
The Elon Musk Paradox: When Genius Meets the Immutable Laws of Physics and Public Relations
Business
The Big Short Rib: How Klarna Turns Your Midnight Pizza Order into Wall Street’s Hottest Asset Class
Business
From SEO to LEO: How AI Chatbots Are Making Your Website Invisible (Unless You Pay The Algorithm Gods)
Business
Dear Andy Jassy: Amazon’s Impending AI Apocalypse (A Survival Guide From The Future)
Business
CEO Replacement Speedrun: Tesla Board Secretly Attempts To Clone 2008 Elon Musk While Current Version Runs D.O.G.E
Science
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Google
Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 2, 2025
In which we examine how advertising transformed the web from humanity's greatest library into humanity's most sophisticated slot machine The...
Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
Tech
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 21, 2025
In a dazzling display of corporate bravado that could only be described as "Steve Jobs, but make it confusing,"...
Google Launches “Hallucination Bug Bounty”: Will Pay Users $31,337 to Catch AI That Recommends Eating Rocks
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 13, 2025
In a desperate attempt to salvage what remains of its rapidly deteriorating reputation, Google announced today the launch of...
Google Announces ‘Premium Search’: Pay $9.99/Month To Finally See The Internet Again
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 11, 2025
In what company executives are calling "the natural evolution of the search experience," Google has unveiled its long-rumored Premium...
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: US Orders Google to Sell Ad Tech, But Will Apply ‘No Chinese Buyers’ Rule
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 7, 2025
In a stunning plot twist that absolutely no one at the Department of Justice saw coming, forcing Google to...
Google AI Mode: The Ultimate Plan to Kill the Internet While Pretending to Save It
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 4, 2025
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk! We have uncovered a conspiracy so vast,...
The AI-Powered Money Cremation Revolution: 7 Astonishing Ways Google Search Ads Will Transform Your Marketing Budget Into Digital Smoke
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 17, 2025
Tech's most sophisticated wealth transfer system has been supercharged with AI to ensure maximum inefficiency with minimum effort In the...
Digital Deception Exposed: 7 Disturbing Ways Facebook and Google Run Their Own Click Farms to Drain Your Marketing Budget
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 17, 2025
Explosive TechOnion investigation reveals tech giants have created the perfect self-sustaining ad fraud ecosystem while convincing you it's just...
Splash to Cash: Google’s New AI Eavesdropping on Dolphin Gossip for Untapped Ad Revenue
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 16, 2025
Pixel phones deployed underwater as Google races to monetize the last ad-free conversations on Earth In a move that perfectly...
Monopoly Fast-Forward: How Big Tech Masters The Art Of Buying Tomorrow’s Monopolies At Today’s Clearance Prices
Tech
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 2, 2025
Warning: This article may contain traces of truth. Consume at your own risk! In a stunning display of foresight that...
EXCLUSIVE: “iPhone Has a Soul, Google Pixel Has a Spreadsheet” – How Apple Convinced Us Their Phone Contains 3 Grams of Actual Human Spirit...
Gadgets
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 4, 2025
In a world where rectangles of glass and aluminum compete for our attention and wallets, have you ever wondered...
TECH CEOs BEND THE KNEE, GET STABBED IN THEIR STOCK PRICE: Multi-Trillion Dollar Sacrifice to Donald Trump Altar Rewarded With Economy-Crashing Tariffs That Would...
Tech
Simba the "Tech King"
-
April 4, 2025
In what financial analysts are calling "the most expensive case of unrequited love in corporate history," America's tech titans...
