TechOnion

The Anti-Techcrunch Revolution: 7 Shocking Ways Paying Us to Demolish Your Startup Will Unleash Viral Fame While You’re Still Broke

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - April 17, 2025

Because getting eviscerated by professionals is the only marketing strategy you can actually afford In an industry where the average startup has a better chance...

Absolutely Not The Onion: How TechOnion Profits From Your Digital Identity Crisis And Is Legally Required To Tell You About It

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - April 3, 2025

In an unprecedented display of journalistic transparency that would make Julian Assange blush, TechOnion is legally obligated to inform you that we are not,...

OFFICIALLY BINDING TERMS OF SERVICE: What You’re Agreeing To While Not Reading This Document

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - April 3, 2025

Last updated: March 27, 2025 (We update this whenever our lawyer sobers up enough to review it) 1. ACCEPTANCE OF...

The Only Privacy Policy You’ll Actually Read: How TechOnion Harvests Your Data and Turns It Into Comedy Gold”

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - April 3, 2025

Last Updated: April 3, 2025 (yes, we actually update this thing) Welcome to the Fine Print Nobody Reads According to a...

He Built A $100 Million Website From His Rural Ohio Home. How Scott DeLong Accidentally Created The Blueprint For TechOnion

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - April 3, 2025

In a world where tech startups burn through millions in venture capital just to create apps that let you...

The Only Mission Statement That Will Make You Cry Tears of Laughter (And Then Fund Our Coffee Addiction)

TechOnion Simba the "Tech King" - March 28, 2025

"When the tech industry becomes indistinguishable from satire, the satirist becomes the only reliable journalist." said probably someone very...

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