A tragic tale of algorithmic romance and the death of keyword courtship
In what relationship experts are calling "the most significant romantic disruption since dating apps convinced us that love could be optimized through swipe mechanics," millions...
In a stunning development that has shaken Silicon Valley to its core-processing units, researchers have confirmed what Roman centurions have suspected for millennia: today's most advanced AI Large Language Models cannot reliably interpret or generate Roman...
In a stunning display of technological anticlimax that rivals the launch of Google Glass and the Segway combined, OpenAI's much-heralded GPT Store has transformed...
In a stunning display of technological efficiency, the artificial intelligence industry has managed to solve one of humanity's most pressing problems: what to do...
In a stunning development that makes "batteries not included" seem quaint by comparison, major AI companies have begun rolling out what industry insiders are...
In the gleaming headquarters of Silicon Valley's tech giants, armies of Stanford-educated product managers obsess over microsecond load times, seamless cloud integration, and whether...
In what has become a quarterly necessity for the tech industry, TechOnion presents our updated encyclopedia of Google's AI products, initiatives, moonshots, fever dreams,...
In a stunning revelation that has the entire tech industry frantically updating their LinkedIn profiles to include "lifelong gamer," recent analysis shows that the...
In the annals of technological betrayal, few devices have so consistently exposed our most vulnerable moments as the modern microwave oven. While smartphones track...
In a groundbreaking development that has redefined the very fabric of workplace surveillance, Microsoft Teams has quietly implemented what industry insiders are calling "Schrödinger's...
The alarm sounds at precisely 4:47 AM in Tim Cook's minimalist Palo Alto residence—not 4:45, not 4:50, but 4:47, because Apple's proprietary sleep optimization...
In the spirit of investigative journalism, we present this anonymous review from a self-described "independent pharmaceutical distribution specialist" operating in Greater Manchester, United Kingdom....
