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TechOnion
TechSatirized
TechOnion
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Home
Tech
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Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen
Tech
Nigeria’s Flash Flood Crisis: How a Tech-Savvy Nation Forgot to Apply Technology to Saving Lives!
Tech
Illuminating Connections: How the US-South Africa Diplomatic Crisis Was Actually a Covert Starlink Market Expansion Strategy
Tech
Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
Tech
Breaking Miracle: Apple Maps Finally Shows Correct Directions, But Only to Apple Stores
AI
AI
ChatGPT’s Outages: The Ultimate Product/Market Fit Flex That Nobody Asked For
AI
AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithm – Why Silicon Valley’s Silver Bullet is Actually a Rusty BB Gun
AI
Singapore’s AI-Proof Education Revolution: While the West Debates Pronouns, Asia Builds the Future
AI
The Great Educational Regression: How AI Turned America’s Classrooms Into 1950s Time Capsules
AI
AI Industry’s Costly Hallucinations: The Truth Behind Why Your Digital Oracle Is Both Expensive And Delusional
Internet
Internet
The Great X-odus: How Elon Musk’s Everything App Became Everything Wrong
Internet
Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion
Internet
Google Announces ‘Premium Search’: Pay $9.99/Month To Finally See The Internet Again
Internet
The Reddit Mind Control Experiment: How Swiss AI Researchers Turned r/changemyview Into Unwitting Guinea Pigs and Proved Bots Are Better Manipulators Than Humans
Internet
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: US Orders Google to Sell Ad Tech, But Will Apply ‘No Chinese Buyers’ Rule
Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency
Crypto Ponzi Picasso: How Sam Lee Built a $1.7 Billion Digital Masterpiece of Fraud in Dubai’s Financial Wild West
Cryptocurrency
Bitcoin’s Existential Crisis: How Satoshi’s Revolutionary Cash System Became the World’s Most Expensive Digital Paperweight
Cryptocurrency
Memestock Reality Distortion Field: How Tesla ($TSLA) and Dogecoin Became Interchangeable Financial Hallucinations Worth Billions
Cryptocurrency
The $13 Billion NFT Marketplace That Vanished Overnight — OpenSea Executives Now Working at Wendy’s While Your JPEGs Are Literally Worthless
Cryptocurrency
EXCLUSIVE: Blockchain Experts Reveal Industry Will Finally Be Useful By 2026, For The Seventh Year In A Row – ‘This Time We’re Serious!’
Gaming
Gaming
Billionaire Gaming Outsourcing Industry EXPOSED After Assassin’s Creed Murders Elon Musk on His Own Platform — CEOs Now Scrambling to Hide Their ‘Pro Gamer’...
Gaming
REVEALED: Teenager Discovers Secret Video Game Cheat Code Called “Picking Up Trash” — Buys PS5 Without Spending Own Money
Gaming
PlayStation’s Soul vs. Xbox’s Spreadsheets: How One Console Vibrates Your Heart While the Other Optimizes Your Wallet
Gaming
The Meme Stock Miracle: How GameStop ($GME) Defied Trump’s Tariff Apocalypse and Broke Wall Street’s Brain… Again!
Gaming
EXPOSED: Mobile Gaming Companies Now Breeding “Human Whales” in Secret Facilities, Training Them to Spend $10,000 on Virtual Carrots
Gadgets
Gadgets
The Future We Weren’t Supposed to See: How Huawei MateBook Fold Exposes Apple’s Comfortable Delusion
Gadgets
The Circular Lightning Economy: Apple Partner Unveils iPhone 16 Cases Made From 100% Recycled Lightning Cables Nobody Needed Anymore
Gadgets
Companion 2.0: How Tech Bros Convinced Us All to Pet Drones Instead of Actual Pets
Gadgets
The iFold Cometh: Apple Reinvents the Wheel While Steve Jobs Performs 10,000 RPM in His Titanium Mausoleum
Gadgets
The Upside-Down Revolution: How Apple’s Magic Mouse Charging Port Creates Character While Destroying Productivity
Startups
Startups
Builder AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithms – A Cautionary Tale of Silicon Valley’s Latest Naked Truth
Startups
Silicon Valley’s Latest Discovery: Africa Has Entrepreneurs Too (And They’re Actually Solving Real Problems)
Startups
Vibe Coding Apocalypse: How Y Combinator Turned Silicon Valley Into a Prompt Engineering Circus
Startups
The Unicorn Delusion Revolution: 13 Shocking Billionaire Wisdom Bombs That Will Transform Your Startup Into a Billion-Dollar Hallucination
Startups
BREAKING: A Fintech Company That “Connects Your Bank Account to Apps” Now Worth Only $6.1 Billion Instead of $13.4 Billion, CEO Declares “Tremendous Success”...
Business
Business
The 49% Solution: How Meta and Mark Zuckerberg Discovered the Regulatory Equivalent of “Just the Tip”
Business
The Elon Musk Paradox: When Genius Meets the Immutable Laws of Physics and Public Relations
Business
The Big Short Rib: How Klarna Turns Your Midnight Pizza Order into Wall Street’s Hottest Asset Class
Business
From SEO to LEO: How AI Chatbots Are Making Your Website Invisible (Unless You Pay The Algorithm Gods)
Business
Dear Andy Jassy: Amazon’s Impending AI Apocalypse (A Survival Guide From The Future)
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Simba the "Tech King"
TechOnion Founder - Satirist, AI Whisperer, Recovering SEO Addict, Liverpool Fan and Author of Clickonomics.
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The 49% Solution: How Meta and Mark Zuckerberg Discovered the Regulatory Equivalent of “Just the Tip”
Business
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 11, 2025
In which Silicon Valley's finest legal minds prove that antitrust law is really just a creative writing exercise! The most...
ChatGPT’s Outages: The Ultimate Product/Market Fit Flex That Nobody Asked For
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 11, 2025
In which we discover that server downtime has become Silicon Valley's newest form of humble-bragging The Great Digital Tantrum of...
The Great Mobile Uprising: How the Android Peasant Revolution Finally Declared War on the Apple Aristocracy
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 6, 2025
In what self-appointed tech historians are already calling the most predictable conflict since the invention of comment sections, the...
The Great OS Wars: How Windows Peasants and Mac Aristocrats Destroyed Civilization While Chrome Laughed in the Background
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 6, 2025
In what military historians are calling "the most passive-aggressive conflict since the invention of office politics," the decades-long rivalry...
Silicon Valley’s Cold War: When Tech Titans Collide and Democracy Gets a Blue Screen
Tech
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 6, 2025
The Great Schism of 2025: A Shakespearean Tragedy in 280 Characters In the grand theater of American power, where political...
The Great X-odus: How Elon Musk’s Everything App Became Everything Wrong
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 6, 2025
A forensic analysis of the platform formerly known as Twitter's descent into digital chaos The Case of the Missing Blue...
Google’s Gospel: How the Church of Clicks Became the Internet’s Most Profitable Religion
Internet
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 2, 2025
In which we examine how advertising transformed the web from humanity's greatest library into humanity's most sophisticated slot machine The...
Nigeria’s Flash Flood Crisis: How a Tech-Savvy Nation Forgot to Apply Technology to Saving Lives!
Tech
Simba the "Tech King"
-
June 2, 2025
In which we examine the curious case of a country that can monitor oil pipelines with drones but apparently...
Apple’s Genius Tariff Solution: Why Assemble Your Own iPhone When You Can Pay More for the Privilege?
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 30, 2025
It was the best of times for Apple shareholders, it was the worst of times for anyone who thought...
AI: The Emperor’s New Algorithm – Why Silicon Valley’s Silver Bullet is Actually a Rusty BB Gun
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 30, 2025
In the gleaming conference rooms of Silicon Valley, where venture capitalists gather like digital evangelists clutching their kombucha and...
Singapore’s AI-Proof Education Revolution: While the West Debates Pronouns, Asia Builds the Future
AI
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 30, 2025
In a world where artificial intelligence threatens to turn half the human workforce into digital dinosaurs faster than you...
The AI Button Revolution: How Silicon Valley Finally Solved the Problem of Having Too Many Fingers
TechOnion Originals
Simba the "Tech King"
-
May 30, 2025
The smartphone industry has reached peak innovation. After years of making phones thinner, cameras sharper, and screens more fragile,...
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